For Women

[3 of 6] 6 Things I Learned About Dating and Love in 2017

Adam Gilad
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In winter, we pile on layers of clothes.

In summer, we strip down.

Winter.  Summer.  Winter.  Summer.

Until eternal winter’s wind whisks it all away.

But meanwhile, we gallop along, clothing ourselves in cycles of identities…

An accretion of signals – both to others, and to ourselves – that we MATTER.

In our runaway acquisitive culture, we “acquire self” like wild-eyed hoarders of old bulky sweaters, pulling our arms through one get-up after another…

We swathe ourselves in silky notions of God or Goddess or divinity of some sort; cozy-wooly-comfy beliefs about this and that,; we strut in our strong-armor opinions that eventually fray and soften…

Proud and scared, we don showy-shiny robes of status, threadbare garments that intimate depth, simplicity and heart, and eventually, we make a show of scattering our throwaway scarves of “I don’t care,” “I just can’t” or “I just don’t give a fuck anymore.”

We are movable, changeable heaps of identity-shmattas.

And, hauling this towering, knotted, motley pile on our backs, we trundle out into the world looking for love…

There!  And there!

We spot a similar walking pile of cloaks, wooly clumps, weaves and frayed yarn…

Color drawn to color…

Texture drawn to texture…

“Do we match?  Do we go together well?  Should we try?”

Wandering mounds of identity.

But…

There is a different tradition…

A kind of love that knows no accreted identities…

A stripping down to find a different kind of truth…

And different kind of connection.

In the Lurianic kabalistic tradition, the universe is a sort of cosmic game of hide and seek…

Once upon a time, God made an attempt to enter the physical realm – and in that Big Bang – Divine Sparks shot out of a pinprick origin point and suffused the universe…

So that now – everything we touch, everything we see, everyone we know, contains a “divine spark” buried under layers of husks…

And our sacred (and kind of awesomely fun) task in this life is to peel back those husks clumped around everything and everyone in order to find the divine spark hidden within.

Mmmmmmm……

Imagine dating or loving your partner like THAT every day, gently peeling back the protective husks to see, feel and experience their divine chewy center.

We are each God’s own tootsie pops.

Rumi, from the Islamic Sufi tradition, said it beautifully (and WAY before Hallmark cards)…

 

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

Mmmmmm…….

Love is not my set of barriers being attracted to your set of barriers.

Love is the happy game of stripping down together…

Peeling off those bulky identity-sweaters, those ego-cloaks, that armor over our pain and our fear and our frustration and our lonely hearts…

 

Francis Ford Coppola recently said, “Often poverty teaches us to express love in the most profound ways.”

And what is more poor, and more rich, than our own naked selves?

Everything stripped away…

Except the light of love within us all.

Counting down to a New Year…

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