So I’m packing up for Vegas where about 50 men are flying from all over the world for our Boldness Code Impact Intensive…
And I want you to know something…
These weekend intensives are about more than being at ease and successful with women…
They are about more than learning how to access and express your inner confidence and essential goodness so that women can feel your actual power as a man, a leader, a caretaker, a sexual being…
They are about more than the brotherhood that you find when you discover that you are now hanging with a group of men who care fiercely about rising out of the half-sleep “settling” into which so many others sink…
And yes, even more than about Adam’s Angels, my beautiful band of women who work with you during the sessions, guide you and take you out to select lounges in the evening to meet women and try the grounded, direct, BOLD ways of being that we perfect in the workshop itself.
These weekends are about TRANSFORMATION.
That means you come in one way – and you leave a new man.
I’ve been spending weeks honing the exercises and structure of this coming weekend in Vegas and I wanted to share with you some of the Transformative Re-Frames that we’ll be working with.
Because if you are stuck in your old frames, stuck in your old way of thinking, you will never attain the escape velocity to break your old habits.
And you will remain stuck as what you’ve always been.
Power is growth.
Boldness is risk and breakthrough.
So here are 3 “Bold” Foundations we’ll be starting with when the guys come in Friday…
1: I Am 100% Worthy of Respect and Love
This may sound trite, but very few people, me included, actually feel this, when you dig deep inside. We all carry shame. We all think we should have achieved more by now. Or that we could be better people. Or that we should be more successful with women or financially.
We each know our individual dark secrets, and one of the scary things about intimacy is that you can’t hide your secrets for long.
Brene Brown, the great shame researcher, points out that because we feel secret shame, we are always trying to “fit in” rather than feeling as if we simply “belong.”’
The first is constant agony and anxiety. The second brings that easeful feeling of finally coming home.
But it is a huge relief when you can relax your shame and share your truths with someone safely and honestly.
And it begins with finally just accepting, owning and claiming your worth as a human being who – while not perfect – is on the journey, who can re-calibrate – and who has a good heart and who brings gifts.
That is enough to be worthy of respect and love.
And we build on THAT, not on shame.
2. I Love and Forgive myself
Now let’s step up self-acceptance to self-love.
My friend Kamal Ravikant wrote an amazing book called “Love Yourself Like Your Life Depended On It” – which he created in the midst of a personal crash.
What Kamal realized is that you can CHOOSE to love yourself as is, just as the fixer upper that you are. And when you do, you tend to make better decisions for yourself.
Listen – you create your reality anyway. You might as well create a positive one that radiates love and good-will.
And to that, you need to forgive yourself. Over and over and over again.
In my recent How to Inspire Love home video course, I end on a module that is called “The Intimacy of Infinite Beginnings”
And by that I mean that if you are going to be in a love relationship of any kind, you must, must, must drop the past, drop the need to be right all the time, drop your shame at screwing up (because we all do), of being weak or dumb or awkward or wrong or uncaring at times…
… and begin again. Over and over.
It’s true in relationship, and it’s true for yourself.
You can’t live a Bold Life, if the past is strangling you, tied by a rope to your neck.
Boldness means the boldness of striking out afresh, dusting yourself off, licking your wounds and creating new beginnings. No matter what.
And we will learn practices together to release shame. Release the past. And start fresh, moment-by-moment.
I remember reading in Howard Schultz’s autobiography – the guy who founded and runs a little company called Starbucks – how he led a gazillion dollar initiative and lost it all, costing the company a fortune.
“Tactical mistake. Onward.”
This is one of the hallmarks of a Bold Man.
And it’s a skill we’ll be honing together this weekend together as a brotherhood of men.
3. I Am Choosy and I Choose (You)
The un-bold life is passive.
The un-bold life waits for the lottery to arrive, for a woman to make the first move, for “life” to get better.
The Bold Life is a life of ACTION. Of clean, clear DECISIONS. Of being the CHOOSER rather than the chosen.
One of the practices we will be perfecting over the weekend is to boldly vision exactly the life we love – with women, success and living our bold edge – and then taking real steps in the real world to start making that happen.
We are going to take steps together this weekend to not only embody the stance of the CHOOSER, but also we will learn how to bring that attitude into FORM by how we approach and interact with women.
When you approach women (and life) from the bold place of generosity of spirit, profound appreciation and non-attachment that we’ll be perfecting this weekend, you will naturally be perceived by women as the Chooser.
And they will hope that you choose them!
I stand and applaud the men flying into Vegas this weekend.
You are making a stand for your Bold Life, in brotherhood with other men who are not afraid to push through their fears, push through their limits and habits…
… a group of men who are saying firmly: this is my one life – and I’m going to live it BOLDLY!
I’ll keep you updated on how it’s going over the weekend.
Watch your emails.
And join us next time this summer for The Boldness Code Impact Edition.
p.s. if you missed the emails about it, here’s a description of what we’ll be doing:
Men are mad.
Well, young men are mad.
Specifically men who don’t have access to women. Who don’t feel connected to them. Who don’t feel attractive. Who aren’t having sex with women.
Older guys – bodies less drenched with testosterone – are a little more resigned than angry. It’s one of the few gifts of age.
Men – often young but older too – troll and harass women online.
Call them b*tches and sl*ts and wh*res and c*nts.
They send scalding and cruel messages on dating sites when women don’t reply to their emails – more than you might imagine.
And sometimes – again now in Oregon – they find guns and shoot people so they can finally feel important. The shooter? He said girls at school didn’t respond to him well, so…
I want to share a reminder…
We are here in my learning community because we LOVE women.
We cherish them.
We delight in their delight.
We love making them laugh.
We love helping them break through their own limitations, as we break through our own.
We love making them come – over and over again.
We love their warm bodies.
We love their loving hearts.
We love them even when their own pain and wounds send up shields to us.
We love them right through their pain.
Even when it feels like “rejection” to us.
Our hearts can remain wide open.
And our courage is deep.
Our boldness is infinite – if we choose to access it.
As men, our ability to open wider as love is available to us every single moment that we are breathing…
And we can choose to open wider over and over and over again…
Not just because that “gets us girls” (which it does)…
Not just because it makes us admirable and supremely attractive men (which it does)…
Not because it’s the “spiritual” thing to do (which it is)…
But when we open as love through our own pain – and through the pain of others – that becomes who we are….
We BECOME ever-opening love.
Which is a helluva thing to be…
And we thereby CREATE our own lives – moment by moment – from that place of internally generated love.
No one can turn off your ability to love and bring laughter, intrigue, flirtation and depth except for you.
As an individual men.
At the wheel of your own ship.
We just keep on bringing it.
Night and day.
In joy and in grief.
Refusing to close our hearts.
Not mistaking women’s pain for our own limitations.
Not assuming that any woman or anyone owes us ANYTHING at all.
Even though we secretly wish they did.
You are the engine of your reality.
Every day – you and I get to decide where we want to point that engine.
Into anger, blame or giving up.
Or toward a deeper and wider and boundless love…
No matter what arises.
This is where true masculine power lies.
When we do this, we become the hope for humanity.
Men: I love your strength and your willingness to keep your engines burning and your nose pointed toward love.
I need you. Women need you.
You need you.
p.s. if you have thoughts about this – please write me personally at www.Facebook.com/
When I teach women, I teach them to trust a man by his actions, not his words.
Because you and I know that a guy will say just about anything to get into her sweet little panties. To win her favor. To be liked and admired.
Women mistrust us – and in some ways, they should.
But should you trust women? When should you? When should you not?
Until we prove ourselves trustworthy.
In my online dating program, Deep Online Attraction, I (of course) give you lots of ways to establish trust right there in your profile…
- Talk about your sisters, if you have them, and use their first names.
- Talk about the men you admire and the trustable qualities you admire about them (you win by association.)
- Set up a high bar to qualify women who will write you – say things like “Honesty and integrity are cornerstones of my life, and if you are inclined to write me, please hold the same values in the same high regard.” Or “Only honest, open, considerate and kind women welcome. I value women who are kind to all and snooty to none.”
Again – you win by association with those values – and you win because you are taking the “prize” position and creating qualifiers and filters.
Now here’s the thing…
Should you trust women?
I hear men – usually the most frustrated men – calling women catty, b*tches, BBD girls (bigger, better, deal) etc…
They say girls only go online for a free dinner, 5 nights a week (it happens).
They say girls don’t know themselves, that they are flakes, that they are entitled, that they are rude etc…
And it happens with guys too.
And some girls.
This is important – because if you start cultivating those negative opinions about SOME women, they will start to color your attitude toward ALL women.
And you will destroy anything you spark with the really quality women of the world.
We live in a culture of distraction and overwhelm.
If I thought about all the crap on E! and Bravo! And 100 other channels, then I would never be able to concentrate on Breaking Bad or True Detective (yes, season one) or The Unbreakable Kimmie Schmidt.
It’s the same with women.
Don’t let the bad ones spoil your appreciation and love for women in general.
Women are more transparent by their speech – if they sh*t talk men, or other women early on when you meet them – you have to decide if you want this flow of negativity in your life. No matter what she looks like.
If she cancels on you last minute and doesn’t profusely apologize, walk on. She doesn’t value you and won’t value you.
If you trawl the bars and clubs, you’re less likely to meet the quality of woman who is doing a 10K run for leukemia, or volunteering at the animal shelter, or building schools in India, or mentoring girls, or building her own business.
Go where the fishing is good.
And in your conversation and online profile, use bait that attracts in women who are loving, wholehearted, kind, thoughtful, passionate and good.
Here at The Higher Game, we LOVE women.
We love them for the way they love us (god help their souls). For their beauty and their softness and their sexiness. For the way they nurture each other and children and pets and their elders. We love them for their creativity and lightness, and daffiness and fierceness.
And when we come across a woman who is a flake or a tease or a money-grabber or just mean – we say to ourselves, “this one is on a longer journey of healing than others.”
And we bless her and wish her well.
We do this not for her, but for our own hearts as men, as warriors, as protectors, as lovers.
So we keep our hearts clean and whole and open and powerful and loving.
So when that astounding beauty who is a fountain of love and passion and laughter walks into our lives…
… she discovers a man who stands ready to meet her. Lead her. Love her. Inspire her. And walk her into her greater magnificence.
Do it for you.
You may not know this…
…but all week this week and next week…
…even while I am daily teaching you to be bold, natural, authentic, audacious, to be an ACTION-TAKER and invest in your skills and your future….
I Am ALSO Teaching 15,000 Women
I am teaching these 15,000 women that you are heroes-in-waiting.
But a very particular kind of hero, which I explain below.
Not the hero who “saves.”
But the hero who “acts.”
And I am teaching them how to INVITE you, how to ENTICE you… to act.
I am teaching them that you are learning with me the skills to help them drop their armor in trust and reveal their true selves naked…
… because you are rising to EARN their trust.
I am teaching them that you are learning how to make them feel SAFE.
How to feel SEXY.
How to feel SPECIAL in your eyes.
How to feel FEMININE in your masculine embrace.
… which are the magic four qualities you want a woman to feel in your presence and which I teach in detail in The Boldness Code.
All this week, while I am teaching you to be bold and
powerful and authentic…
I am opening the hearts of 15,000 women whose hearts have been wounded by men – and so do not trust.
I am teaching 15,000 women how to release their fear, their disappointment, their armor, their tears, their sorrow, their anger, their cynicism… about you and me…
… so that they can come to you whole and open.
So that they can come to you full of their natural joy and radiance and lusciousness…
… and not guarded and full of argument and sadness.
Because I am reminding them that you do not want to meet her in her sorrow.
Or in her anger.
Or in her bitterness and disappointment.
Yes, there is a time to hold each other’s sorrows…
There is a time to soothe and heal each other’s wounds.
There is a time for you to be a shoulder to cry on.
There is a time for you to be a strong arm to lean on.
There is a time for you to be the solid core of the Earth into whom she can melt in her grief, her fear…
… as well as her erotic release.
But that moment is not online.
That moment is not on a first or even or second or third date.
I am teaching them how to pass through the Gate of Intimacy in a way that turns you on and opens your sense of possibility.
And which calls you.
Into your innate heroism.
Your desire to serve and open and lead and ravish.
And then I teach them how to walk through with you through that gate in trust, in strength, in wisdom and in surrender with you.
If you learn the skills to do the same with them.
I Am Teaching Women to Come
to You Whole!
Just as I am teaching you to come to women whole.
Not trembling in fear of saying the wrong thing in “approach.”
Not full of bombast and wearing masks or trying to “trick” them into thinking you’re “the man.”
If I am doing anything, I am teaching you how to actually BE “the man.”
And how to communicate your solidity in ways that women don’t merely “hear” but FEEL to the core of their delicious, loving beings.
Now, why am I telling them that you
are their Hero-in-Waiting?
Because I don’t want them to settle.
And I don’t want you to settle.
I don’t want you to be “trapped” or made “small” or be “domesticated.’
I don’t want women limiting either you or their own yearning by shooting for “commitment.”
I want women to call you up into your greatness, your sense of purpose, of meaning and your true power.
I want you to be filled, bigger, devoted to something great.
Even if your full devotion is to the truth and rawness of the moment alone.
Because you are not your smallness.
Men. Readers. You are not here on earth “to get laid.”
Getting laid is practice.
Getting laid is the appetizer.
And sooner or later, you learn not to gorge yourself on appetizers.
Because – sooner or later – you want to save room for the full juicy entrée….
As one of my great teachers says, “The essence of you is you at your greatness.”
And it is only in your greatness that a woman can not resist surrendering herself to your enlightened lead.
What is Possible For You With Me…
I am here to remind you (because you already know this deep inside)..
The essence of you as a man is that you want – beneath everything – to be a hero.
To devote yourself to a great cause.
And I am teaching 15,000 women how to be WORTHY of your devotion.
I am asking them, “ladies, how would you like to be a great man’s worthy cause?”
I Am Asking Women Not to
“Settle” for Commitment
I am teaching them that “commitment” does not inspire a man.
Devotion to a great cause inspires a man.
And that is what I am teaching these 15,000 women as they learn more about my Intimacy University.
Intimacy University is their preparation to meet you.
To be worthy of you.
To inspire you.
What then is your preparation?
It is the Boldness Code – a 12 Class Training that will open to you in a few weeks.
And in June…
… if what I am saying resonates with you.
… then I will introduce you to some of these women after you do The Boldness Code with me.
In June – I and my magnificent, skilled, gorgeous coaches – will bring you together with these women…
… so that you can not merely meet as some guy and some chick.
But as she in her luscious Greatness.
And as you in your bold Greatness.
And what fire will we ignite then?
That, my friend… is up to you.
I am a stand for your greatness and your real happiness.
Walk with me.
To Your Best and Boldest Life!
Deep Online Attraction is the most comprehensive and helpful guide you will ever find on how to create an online dating profile that delights, intrigues, mystifies, suggests, romances and qualifies her. All toward one purpose: to get you to STAND OUT from all the white noise of other guys’ profiles. Drawing on Adam’s deep experience as a University Writing instructor, award-winning writer and director in Hollywood and years of experimenting, testing, tweaking and enjoying the bounty that is online dating (when you do it right!), Deep Online Attraction will teach you not only how to construct a profile that opens more questions than answers, but how to write to her in a way that no one else can or will.