(personal) your FATE is in your hands and here’s why…
Last night I spoke on stage to about 200 men and women on how to date and connect deeply and intelligently.
Also with me were my good buddy David Wygant and my stellar makeover coach Kim Seltzer who was so amazing at the NYC ACI event, along with some matchmakers.
I loved it – and could have spoken for 24 hours straight because the men and women there were REALLY SERIOUS about figuring dating, love and intimacy out.
And I had a powerful realization I wanted to share with you because I think it will make a big difference for you…
Most of the questions were about…
… how do I know if she likes me and I should ask her on a second date?
… how do I know after a few dates if he really is someone?
… how do I approach a woman if she doesn’t give me a second look?
All the questions were about HOW DO I READ THE OTHER GENDER…
… and how can I make an informed decision if I can’t read them?
My answer – to their astonishment was always GET CLARITY BOLDLY.
The Facebook Question
One woman said she met a guy at a party. Nice guy. Great conversation. Then he said, “Are you on Facebook?”
She wanted to know – was he interested in her or not?
My answer – get clarity.
“I am and here’s how I roll. I’ve enjoyed talking to you. I like X about you. If a guy wants to date me, I find it really sexy if he’s bold about it and asks me out for a date. If you want to be just friends on FB, that’s fine too. I’m curious – which would you like – and either answer is okay.”
She was ASTONISHED that I would recommend being so – let’s see, what’s the word – honest and clear.
Guys, ladies – you don’t get if you don’t ask.
Indirection and shying away from boldness only gets you confusion.
The guy – if he wanted to ask her on a date should have read my material on boldness and been a man enough to ask her out straight out.
I learned speaking last night that…
EVERYBODY IS AFRAID!
Men are afraid of feeling “rejected” so they don’t take risks and speak their bold, authentic truth.
Women are afraid of men, of being disappointed, of seeming vulnerable and needy so they have lost the art of enlightened flirting.
And the result?
Everybody is CONFUSED!
I don’t blame you.
I don’t blame anybody.
Because a giant truth hit me last night…
There are no social rules any more.
Everybody is making up the rules as they go along…
Because everybody is asking fundamental questions…
When should I sleep with my date? How long before we go exclusive? When do I shut down my profiles if I am dating someone? When do I “put the moves on” and go for a kiss? How do I know if he likes me?
Because there are no social rules, we EACH have to make up rules for ourselves.
And that means bad news and good news…
The Bad News?
It takes real work. You have to put in work, study, practice.
You have to study how the other gender works. You have to ask great questions. You have to be profoundly curious and develop the skills of enlightened flirtation, boundary setting, boundary breaking, bold and authentic communication and more than anything – profound self-understanding.
Of what you want. Of what triggers you. Of what you need to learn.
The Good News?
All of the above! Same stuff.
Because there are no rules, no social norms that apply to everybody – you are FREE to create EXACTLY the life of dating and intimacy that you want.
You get to CREATE YOUR LIFE ON YOUR OWN TERMS.
Is that hard?
Sure. But only because it takes focused learning, testing, growing, stretching, and crossing into uncomfortable zones out of old blah habits that are keeping you small and unsatisfied anyway.
To me – that is the exact joy and adventure of living.
It is a privilege to create your own life on your terms.
You read me daily because you want to learn.
Because you want to cut through the confusion and the awful advice out there given by amateurs.
You are among the elite of singles – people who are putting in the work of deep self-knowledge and advanced communications and connection skills.
So you should be proud.
No one said it is simply.
But what it is?
My word for you today is COURAGE.
Courage to keep learning.
Courage to create exactly the life you want to create.
Bit by bit. Puzzle piece by piece.
Courage to persist even when others around you are simpering and retreating into “safe” habits and unhappy lives of “I’d rather be alone.”
You are a pioneer of love.
In a time of pioneers.
The landscape is open.
CARVE YOUR TRUTH INTO IT…
And others may follow in your trail.
To your Boldest Life of Love,