Women are hard-wired to be attracted to – and to follow – the lead of a bold man.
The mistake so many of you make is thinking that this means you need to act a like an a-hole. There is a myth that women want a “bad-boy” if “bad” means criminal, cruel, disrespectful, petulant and, well, basically – annoying.
Lots of men have tried David D’s “cocky and funny” only discover that they were coming off as cocky and ludicrous. And enough of you have told me how, after spending a life of crafting a life and a character that you are proud of, that you felt like an idiot. And ashamed.
There is a solution here.
You know that confidence is sexy. In fact, I created a whole program to help you embody and enact confidence called Instant Confidence With Women. It’s sort of a “fake it till you make it” cheat sheet. And it works.
And recently, I’ve been thinking about another quality – that lifts you even further into the magic of attraction with women.
Confidence attracts women.
Boldness ignites passion and desire and lust.
So if you like those things, read on…
Ever since I was a small kid, I didn’t want to live an “office” life. I watched my dad, whom I always loved, drive into NYC every day and spend his days, like all the other dads, in glass towers. Then come home tired, have a martini with my mom, and basically fall asleep reading the paper.
From the start, I wanted a different life. A bold life. A life of adventure. I wanted to tag wild cheetahs on the Serengeti. I wanted to climb Everest (I made it up to 17 thousand feet). I wanted to kick ass like Carradine’s Kung Fu and drive race cars like Speed Racer (I got up to 180mph on the Autobahn in my BMW sportster).
And like Speed Racer, I wanted my own Trixie. I also wanted my own Barbara Eden from “I Dream of Jeanie” and, what can I tell ya, I like funny women, so I had a thing for Lucy and Carol Burnett, too.
All in all, I wanted to live BOLD. I wanted to TEST myself. I wanted to EXPLORE the world. I wanted to not spend my life falling asleep in front of a TV and just living out whatever suburban programming I inherited.
A BOLD START…
And I did it. I set off early. My family had no money, so I worked three summer jobs and sent myself to Europe. I headed off to India with a backpack and a blonde. I took jobs I was wholly untrained for on Wall Street and in international music management. I took on Hollywood and ended up being nominated for an Emmy. I pushed myself. I fell hard and bolted forward again.
I didn’t, as the poet Mary Oliver has put it so well, “don’t want to end up simply having visited this world.”
You are reading here, now, this because you want to enthrall and excite women. Which is great! Because they WANT to be enthralled and excited by you!
So it all works out.
And nothing accomplishes this as much as being a BOLD MAN.
I have compiled 15 Dynamics of living BOLD that you can put into action right away. To push your limits. To bristle with courage, vitality and masculine allure. It not only makes life fun – it makes women fascinated and deeply attracted to your lead.
Here are the first 4…
BOLD QUALITIES THAT EXCITE WOMEN ABOUT YOU
1: Claim What You Want
Timid men wait for permission. Bold men claim what they want. They don’t steal it or force it or wheedle their way in. They are direct and they “stake a claim” just like the old prospectors: you plant your flag in the ground.
Sometimes, you don’t get what you want. That’s okay. People say “no.” It happens. You’ll live. The point is to assure that the force of your commitment to a goal and the unshakability of your will is felt – unapologetic and ringingly clear.
And of course, the more admirable your claim, the sexier you are. The more paltry or reactive or egoic your claim, the more “meh” you will seem to women.
How to apply this to dating and attraction?
You know my rule: you never “ask” for a date. You “state the date.” Not “hey would you like to go out sometime?” ( I can hear women reading this squirming with distaste). Instead, it’s “you’re coming out with me. There’s a great Italian place on 10th St. I want to see the pleasure on your face when you taste the cannoli.”
(Is there sexual suggestion there? Duh. Remember, there is no friend zone unless you create it)
2: “Screw it Just Do it”
I don’t have a lot of “heroes” but Richard Branson is my #1.
Not only because of his awesome hair. Nor his over 300 “Virgin” companies. Nor for the fact that he can kiteboard with naked models on his back while maintaining a long, loving marriage. Nor for his insane cross-oceanic ballooning adventures. Nor his Virgin Unite philanthropic arm which is doing amazing things creating peace, prosperity and hope around the world.
But for how he lives his life every single day. How he makes choices. It is encapsulated by the title of his book, “Screw it. Just Do it”
Bold men make the first move. They initiate.
They ride into the dark forest without knowing exactly what’s in there. They know their fear, they make adjustments to mitigate danger and take calculated risks. They do what they want to do in this life (while, yes, respecting the dignity of others) and do it full-on.
Bold men know that they will fail. But we also know that we will always learn something and therefore, that we will fail UP. We will fail FORWARD. We don’t care if we look stupid for the moment. Because we know we are getting smarter. And better. And stronger.
Bold men also take the initiative when it comes to admitting you’ve been a jerk. Or cruel. Or thoughtless. We all screw up. Being bold is not all about cresting the Himalaya. Bold means, yes, manning up and saying you’re sorry when you’ve done damage.
Every brass-balls entrepreneur knows that its easier (and more effective and profitable) to apologize after taking action than asking for permission before taking action.
Intiate. Act. Do.
As another hero of mine, Mark Twain said, “the secret of getting ahead is getting started.”
And when it comes to attraction?
Bold initiative means you walk across the room, eyes steady and introduce yourself to that girl. It means you take the lead. It means, if you feel the vibe, you push her hair behind her ear as if you’ve been a couple for years – even if you’ve only been talking for 4 minutes. It means you write 20 women a night online, experimenting with your introductory letters.
It means you know what you want – and you take ACTION toward achieving it. Over and over and over again.
This is how bold men achieve mastery.
And non-bold men remain mired and blurry and distinctly un-sexy — in mediocrity.
3: Boldly Self-Challenge
Few things are more of a turn-off than a lazy man. Or, at the other end, a complacent man.
Few things are more of a TURN-ON that a man who challenges himself.
You know how I talk about the 7 Pillars of Masculine Attraction – and how you should consistently and BOLDLY push your edges into new growth in these areas:
(1) fitness, strength and vitality
(2) emotional depth and equanimity
(3) intellectual complexity and clarity
(4) social leadership
(5) sexual mastery and subtlety
(6) financial sovereignty and
(7) spiritual expansiveness of vision.
The more of these 7 self-challenges you ACTIVELY pursue – the sexier you will be to women, end stop.
Challenging yourself as a mindset, as a practice in EVERY area of your life makes you volcanically attractive to women. They begin to see you as a force of nature. As a dynamic vehicle in motion – rather than a couch-slug who is a mere spectator in life.
Peter Diamandis, founder of the X-Prize, entrepreneur extraordinaire and visionary of an abundant future offers this absolute law of living a fantastic life:
“When faced without a Challenge – Make One!”
Personally challenge every belief and value you inherited from you childhood and early life. Do you carry ideas about girls from being humiliated in Jr. High? Or being a sex-crazed hormone-machine in high school? Are you treating women in their thirties the same way you treated women in their 20’s not taking into account how they have grown more reflective, cautious, insightful, confident?
More generally – challenge yourself daily: are you living the life you REALLY want to live?
Challenge yourself to, as Walt Whitman said, “suck the marrow out of life.”
You do know you don’t get a second chance, right?
This is it. Here. Now.
Why would a woman “follow your lead” in life if you don’t take the lead and consistently challenge yourself to be better, stronger, wealthier, deeper, kinder, more erotically daring and caring?
Bold men strive, self-challenge and lead.
And even if they look like Sean Penn, they get the Scarlett Johanssens of the world.
That’s a start for you today. You’ll be hearing more from me about how to live BOLD, how to live, what I’ve come to call “The Boldness Code.” Stay tuned for more this week.
Today — take at least one bold action.
Not only will women like you better.
Touching your primal root as a man, you will too.
Everybody wants to win the lottery.
Everybody wants to “Pass Go” and collect 200 dollars.
Everybody wants the big score, the EZ Pass, the doorman’s mitt on the small of your back as he guides you past the velvet rope.
Everybody wants the escalator ride up the stairway to Heaven.
It’s the dream of completion. The hope of that “click” that will make everything, once and for all, all right. And done. And safe. And easy.
This desire for the end of struggle drove Buddha to teach you to nimbly step outside the chatterbox cacophony of your mind, Moses to lay down some laws, Jesus to invite you to hop the express bus to the Kingdom of God, Marx to play the old switcheroo on who runs the factories – and now, a fairy-winged circus of dream-slingers to promise that if you only “visualize” hard enough – your magical “divine other-half” will appear out of the mist.
Zombies appear out of the mist, and psycho-killers, as far as I can tell from the movies.
But soul-mates do not.
You create them.
I don’t like how people hawk soul-mates the same way casinos dangle jackpots.
As a one-time hit. An anomaly. An “out.”
It’s a con, playing on your hope and waiting for the dealer to flip you the winning hand.
I don’t like the idea of soul-mates.
Can you tell?
For the obvious reasons above – that it suggests a pre-destined fixed-deck. Which makes you the hapless rube at the card table of love. Which means you get to sit there and fantasize about collect your winnings.
I am not a fan of passive living.
I am not a fan of any habit that puts you in the mind of powerlessness and deservedness and privilege and entitlement.
I am not a fan of Calvinist pre-destination, nor of the Platonic/Kabalistic/Gnostic mythology of the original human being a four-armed, four-legged androgyne, something so whole that the gods or God had to split it, for fear of being matched or challenged.
These proto soul-mate mythologies leave us, as men and women, eternally seeking our “other half.”
I don’t like it, but I understand it.
And I feel it, too! Often!
I feel that rush of “this is it!” when I scan the “favorite books” section of an online dating profile and all our favorite authors match up – Neruda, Vonnegut, Twain, Hitchens, Dylan Thomas…
Surely she and I are soulmates!
But there! On another profile – all our favorite crazy eclectic musicians click like paired DNA – Ella, Muse, Chopin, Leonard Cohen, Paul Simon, Coltrane, McCorkle….
The bliss of it! No doubt! She’s my soulmate!
The thing is – the wonderful thing is – if your heart is open, if your curiosity is great, if your enthusiasm for life abounds, potential soul-mates will keep skipping toward you out of the mist, far more attractive than the army of zombies that, for some reason, is the image that mists suggest to me.
They will just keep coming.
But who among will really be your “other half”?
Put another way, “how many shared authors, bands, beliefs, preferences, sexual kinks does it take to screw in a soul-mate?”
At what percentage point of “OMG!” do you so “click” into place like a divine zipper so that it feels like pre-destiny?
51%? 75?% 90%? 100% (as if that were possible among two evolved adults)
I have a radical answer to this.
It’s the wrong question.
My working hypothesis is that it’s far more useful to think of every person you encounter as your soul-mate.
I believe that it’s far more useful – and true and awakening – to peer right past the quirks and similarities and annoyances of every single person living on Earth and see them as your soul-mate.
Maybe you believe we were all created by one puppeteer God. I don’t. But I do know that we are all related. That we were once all wide-eyed children, allured to joy. That we all grieve our loved ones, and, quietly, our own winnowing years. That we delight to the same bejeweled sky when we can see the damned thing, and feel our souls soothed by the same tongue-touch of the seas on the ocean shore.
Most of the spiritual “giants” had it right. Love is everywhere and love is now.
It is available to you, if you choose to feel it in the eyes of the barrista at Starbucks, the nutcase sitting opposite you on the subway, the weary mother trying to tie her squirming toddler’s laces, the girl who broke your heart when you were 14, the man who betrayed you when you were 40, the child soldiers pressed into service in the Congo… soldiers everywhere, the shamed, the enraged, the flailing, the lost.
And I’ll tell you something…
The more you practice seeing, feeling – creating love — with every person on this Earth – as screwy, confused, deluded, yearning, lonely and annoying as they are – as, by the way, you and I are…
… then, when that lovely person wanders out of the mist who dreams dreams similar to yours, who wishes to create an intimate life similar to the intimate life you wish to create, and yes, who may read and listen to the same artists who craft those nuances who open your souls in the similar ways…
… when he or she appears before you…
… your heart will know that no matter how “special” or “unique” or “soul-matey” he or she seems to you, that that person is not some one-of-a-kind ace of spades thrown your way to complete your life’s royal flush…
…but simply another wanderer in the forest of life.
Even though you will feel, in the dizzying rush of hormonal ecstasy, that you have found your “mystical” other half…
… you will know that it’s not “game over,” or “bingo!” or “jackpot!”
Deep inside, you will know that your DNA can pretty much combine with anybody else’s DNA to create a perfect, wonder-bound infant.
Whether that infant is an actual new drooling human — or simply your new infant love, this new story of intimacy crawling forward, eyes-wide with wonder…
… you will know that it’s just a beginning.
You will know that if you take this person’s hand, you have the power – that you have the practiced and humbled and expanded heart – to create a path of your own through the dark glades.
No matter what monsters may arise from the shadows.
Last night, waiting for our cars at the SLS Hotel in Beverly Hills, I ran into Daymond John, billionaire founder of FUBU – and star of the ABC show Shark Tank.
I was thrilled. I love this guy and I love this show. In fact, just 3 days before, I had posted on FB that I felt Shark Tank should be REQUIRED VIEWING for every teenager in America.
Because on that show, budding entrepreneurs come before John and 3 or 4 other hugely successful business titans – each of whom crafted and steered their own success from the bottom up – describe their small business ideas, what they’ve accomplished, what they hope to do – and ask for investment money.
What happens next is a beautiful thing…
… and I am going to show you in a minute how it applies to your dating life and to your pursuit of love and intimacy.
What happens is that these veterans of the entrepreneurial battlefield start asking GREAT questions: Yeah, yeah I get your vision but… what is your current revenue? How have you marketed? How did you source your materials? How did you set your wholesale prices? Tell me about the competition in detail? What have to you done to guard your rear end so someone else can’t walk away with your idea?
Bam! Bam! Bam!
They ask the kinds of questions that reduce the smiling, often over-confident idea-slingers to bumbling for words, scrambling for excuses – and sometimes, into tears.
And yet, and yet…
Those aspirants who are READY… those who have done their HOMEWORK…
Those who have trained their minds and have educated themselves and who have shown that they have a detailed, clear-eyed and not a “moony” grasp on the REALITY of their product, their market, their customer – and most important – on themselves – [their strengths and the areas where they need to grow or get help] – THOSE people get tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars of investment dollars from the sharks.
Because they actually deserve it.
They are prepared and realistic.
Heed this lesson well…
So many people – men and women both – stride onto the playing field of love with unrealistic expectations of others – and unrealistic expectations of themselves. And yet they want the goodies thrown at them, like roses and tributes from the grandstands.
Men come to the field without putting real time into understanding the feminine need to trust before surrender. They have never made the effort to “feel” what it is like to be a woman – drilled by thousands of male eyes all day, sometimes flattered but often feeling like prey darting along a grid of predators.
Men, who spend so much time calculating wins and losses in their minds, hope to “win” a woman with confident words, when his body may be conveying shame, unwarranted bravado, self-hatred, closure.
Women come to the field, knowing that they are secret gardens of earthly delight. That they possess hearts that can pour out love like a mountain spring and never be diminished!
But they expect men to “know” that and all-too-often “demand” that men recognize that, without communicating their true heart-treasures in a language that men hear and feel and see. And so women get angry at men for not valuing their greatest gifts.
Just like the starry-eyed entrepreneurs on Shark Tank, we bound onto the stage full of self-delusion.
We don’t take enough time to get into the minds of the “investors” (because, really, you are asking another person to make an investment of very valuable things like time, heart, body and money into you).
Nor are we as rigorous as we can be to make ourselves a great “investment” – by getting as fit and healthy as we can, by clearing out the negative mind-habits that drag us down, by challenging ourselves to be as creative and truthful and accomplished as we can be, by educating ourselves on gender communication, sensual skills and what used to be called just good old human wisdom.
So that we may be more kind, more compassionate, more trustworthy, more light and fun and bold… and lovable.
Triggering attraction, creating rapport, learning how to inspire both yourself and those with whom you wish to get intimate with – these are skills which we can choose to learn day after day – literally for the rest of our lives.
Love is an “infinite game.”
You win when you play the game full-out, learning the rules as they become apparent to you, pivoting your strategies like a good business leader when the board changes.
You hire and fire those who support your journey deeper into love.
You focus your energies and your resources like a good business leader where there is most “return on investment” (and release those who don’t return your love back into the market). Cut and release is as valuable a skill for entrepreneurs and fishermen as it is for lovers.
And most of all, you get rigorous about yourself so that you are best possible leader of your “love enterprise.” You hone yourself daily – mind, body and spirit – as a good “investment” worthy of the best possible “investor.”
I know you want to be loved. I know you want to be ravished. I know you want your clock cleaned and your head to spin in bedroom bliss. I know.
I’m with you. I want that for you.
So therefore, ask yourself now and daily…
Why should someone desire or love me?
How can I hone my inner world so that I am more peaceful, fearless, authentic, inspiring, light, open, warm and lovable?
How can I hone my communications so that I can connect in ways that open the hearts and lives of those I desire?
Married, or single or in a relationship, you are on the playing field.
And just as in business, there is competition.
Competition that should be ever-driving you to ever-improve your “product.”
There is no room here for self-delusion, comforting as that may be for a spell.
A good enterprise, a Daymond James knows, is something that always grows, or it calcifies, sputters and dies. A good enterprise must be led by someone who is always learning and ready to adapt and step into unknown territory.
It is a game of calculated risks, wisely taken.
So it is with love, although the prize here is worth so much more than money.
This is a game that has no final “payout.” No buyout. No liquidity event.
This game simply pays as it goes.
It is a game to be played fearlessly and robustly and tirelessly, until finally the pieces turn to dust, and the board folds and is placed back into the box.
You don’t get anywhere with women until they feel safe.
That goes for meeting them online and offline (more about that below) and equally,
for when you are in relationship.
And I want you to connect with how central this instinct is for you – and ultimately –
Simple, we, as men, are built, we are designed to make women safe. And women are
designed to feel fundamentally unsafe – and can only relax when they feel protected
by a man, by men or by a group.
On a tribal level, men “protect” their women from neighboring tribes and will often
kill over possession of a young woman. You can still see this – and certainly feel it –
in as common a place as a bar or after a sports event (just try to talk to a woman in
the other team’s jersey!
It’s primal. It’s a bit stupid in the modern context, but it still drives behavior.
The safety of the female (and keeping her in our circle) is wired in. In fact, any
anxiety felt by females sends us, as men, into hormonal fight or flight mode.
Lionesses will smell intruder animals before males do – and then an interesting
The males will awaken and spring into a sudden ring around the females before they
even know why. Like us, they are wired to protect the females and the young.
There is something beautiful and primally fulfilling about making women feel
safe. And I want to give you three areas in which you can experience this pleasure
for yourself – and at the same time – deepen both your connection and your
attractiveness to women.
IN THE MEATWORLD
Sometimes the smallest gesture can do it. Have you ever why we hold open doors
for women? It’s not only because old timey doors might have been heavy. It’s
because she is passing from one zone into another. On a mythical as well as a real
level, she is crossing a threshold, and we are escorting her within, in effect, “in our
care.” It is a gesture of saying, “it’s okay, it’s safe to enter/exit.” (which is a bit
weird, because we haven’t really checked it out yet. What if there’s a falling piano?)
In Instant Confidence With Women, I give you a whole selection of ways to make
women feel physically safe. Yes, doors. And yes, when you guide her up or down
a stairway, or across a street, or over a curb or any “transition space” – place your
hand on the small of her back or take her arm.
It may seem like nothing to you, but there is physical sensation that your woman
will get that you are taking the protective role on her behalf. And that feel good to
And here’s a tip to avoid something that feels BAD to her…
If you are talking in a bar or any kind of dark space, don’t “block off her escape
route.” You may not think that you are big and bulky but compared to her, you
might be. So you may not realize that she may feel “trapped” by how you stand.
When you stand opposite someone, it’s a challenging position.
So slip along to her side and look out at the world with her. Two birds on a wire
taking in the view…
… and not a wolf cornering a rabbit.
Do you feel women should trust you online?
I mean, YOU know that you’re a trustable guy, but how is she supposed to know
I remind men all the time who ask for coaching that if you had a sister, what would
you tell her about online dating? The first thing you would say is “be careful!”
Before a woman can be attracted to you beyond the physical level, she has to trust
you. Which is why you absolutely must include, in your profile, what I call trust
There are many things you can do…
• In your photos, include pics of you and your friends or you and your family, including your parents. It shows you are not some loner who lives in a Montana cabin with your taxidermified last girlfriend. It shows that you are social, are embedded in “safe” social groups – and therefore sends a strong signal to her that you are likely to be trustworthy.
•Include the first name of your sister, if you have one, which makes you seem more “real” and not just another profile on the page.
•Eliminate anything angry, especially anything angry you might have to say about women in general, women on the site, or especially, women from your past.
• Talk about a person, cause or event that inspires you and let her know why. A man who is called to improve the world is more attractive than a man who is simply “needy” and uses his whole profile to summarize his own accomplishments and interests.
• Raise her bar. If everything in your profile is true, say something like “Telling the truth and being authentic are the cornerstones of my life, public, private and in business. Everything in my profile is accurate, and my photos are recent. If you are the girl for me, then we already have something in common, and your photos and age are the truth as well.”
(There is a sneaky “rapport builder” in that post, as I slipped in the “we” word,
which is one of the most powerful ways you can create connection online with a
woman. Again, to learn a lot more how to succeed with women online watch this
IN A RELATIONSHIP
I’ve been doing a lot of research recently on how to raise intimate relationship into
a platform for sustained personal and mutual liberation, joy and awareness. I think
a lot of people like the sound of this, but very few people put in the effort to learn
how to do it – and even less energy on the practices required to make it happen on a
One of the most powerful ideas I’ve been working with is with “core vulnerabilities”
For men, it’s shame and the feeling of being inadequate. For women, it’s fear of
isolation, disconnection and abandonment.
And until we quell these for each other – no amount of “communication skills” will
Or as my friend Annie Lalla (David DeAngelo’s wife) puts it – you’ve got to
first “calm the animal” before you can speak to the higher self.
These currents run deep below our conscious mind, and in the program I am
working on about how to handle conflict, I’ll be giving you multiple and easy ways
to calm your woman’s fear of being isolated as well as her anxiety when she doesn’t
feel connected to you.
In almost all my programs, I remind you that if your woman is anxious or pulling
away from you, she is missing one or more of 4 feelings from you – she is not feeling
safe, sexy, special to you or feminine in your presence.
These are the four skill sets you are well advised to develop if you want to nourish a
long-term love relationships.
For today, let’s just focus on one thing you can do: help her feel safe in times when
she feels emotionally unsafe with you.
So if you notice her being snappy with you, or pulling away, or acting jealous or in
any way “striking out at you” – here’s a GIANT and effective technique to bring her
…detach your disagreement from “what” she is saying by being 100% in agreement
with the feeling that underlies what she is saying.
In other words – don’t challenge her on what she is saying.
Address the feeling below the surface…
Magic words include something like, “I get that you feel that I’m not paying enough
attention to you right now, and can see how much that hurts.”
e.g. – don’t argue with her feelings. Ally yourself with her feelings.
Without holding anything back or challenging the integrity of her feelings.
She needs to feel “safe” that you are on her side, that you are not walking away, that
you are not challenging her.
Show that you are on her side 100% emotionally (regardless of where you disagree).
And often, you will find that once here “animal” feels safe, her higher self will work
with you more easily.
It’s the foundation of everything else you want with women in your life – attraction,
intimacy, communication and devotion.
If you seek these things, then learn how to be the man with whom and around
whom a woman feels safe.
Remember, they are learnable skills.
And ones that will serve you throughout your life.
To your BEST life,
What a weekend! Just when I thought I knew it all (not really), I get another huge download from women…
* Do you want free hugs from beautiful girls?
* Do you want women to tiptoe up to you at cafés and start asking YOU questions?
* Do you want sudden high-fives and gushes of gratitude for being “a real man”?
* Do you want women to take you by the arms and blurt, “thank GOD for guys like you!”
It’s easier than you think. In fact, it’s ridiculously easy! Listen. . .
Yesterday, I was standing on the stone veranda of a house high in the Santa Monica Mountains with a bunch of people, just having lunch and looking out at the rare clouds moving across the hills. I sat by this 25 year old waif, a beautiful, slinky young actress who was listening, bored and half-lidded, to a guy telling her about how cool he was, how spiritual he was, what business and charity boards he sat on. She turned to me and asked, “hi, what do you do?” I said that I’m devoted to an ongoing study and to teaching men how to identify and stand in their most powerful masculinity and then communicate it in a language to women that will touch their hearts.
She threw her arms around me and exclaimed, “I love this man!” At that moment, dear reader, I loved her, too. A little while later, I found myself (surprise!) sitting next to a lanky, long-haired yoga instructor – the elite kind that only teaches privately. I opened the old fashioned way, by finding a commonality and exploring it together. The conversation flowed easily as she told me about the book she was writing and then she asked what I did. Well, you know what I do and you know what I said. Her eyes just opened wider and wider and her first question…
“Do you know the work of David Deida?” I answered, “I’ve read every single book he’s written, and”
And – whoosh! – here came the hug — and yoga girls really know how to hug. Her long slinky arms wrapped around me and then came the Exclamation from her yoga-soft lips, “I love you!” And as I slowly inhaled the herbal aromas rising from her organic shampooed hair, my friend, I promise you, I loved her, too. And I didn’t even get to tell her that I was Deida’s business partner for 2 years. She continued, excited, her eyes sparkling, “Before I get involved with ANY guy, I hand him the book, “The Way of the Superior Man” and make him read it. I tell him it’s a user’s guide for real manhood.”
Now, this is a STUNNING WOMAN who dates serious celebrities and jet-setters, but suddenly, I was the sole object of her laser-focused, eye-sparkling, fascinated attention – because I had taken the time to read this book she that found so important to shaping a real man. So what are the lessons I learned from yesterday’s lunch?
1. That women are DEAD FRUSTRATED with 99% of guys.
2. That women are GRATEFUL FOR YOU if you take the time and effort to deepen their practice of being men, who spend their time learning about women, learning how to be better men rather than sitting around watching TV.
>>>>>> WOMEN CRAVE MEN WHO ARE IMPROVING THEIR SKILLS AND KNOWLEDGE ABOUT MAN-WOMAN DYNAMICS <<<<<
Deepening your skills and wisdom around man-woman dynamics shows you care. It gives you the edge of power over other men. It shows that you are a man who means business rather than a wannabe. That you are different. That you are worth the attention of the best women.
3. And you have learned that consistent training is the key element than gives you the edge over other men.
If you are serious about being the fascinating to women, powerful, desirable, skilled, intriguing and sexy – you should come into my circle of serious men. You do NOT want to be just another guy chasing women with tired pick-up strategies. You do NOT want to bore women with boring conversation but with unexpected, penetrating openers and deepeners so that they open to you like a flower in the sun.
You want to get into this advanced training series today. Again, this depth of training is so important to me that I made it a whole whopping BUCK to sign up, just so you can get a taste of how GREAT you can be with women. You will gain two essential skills:
To Trigger Attraction. Inspire Devotion…
Trigger attraction – and you will get more phone numbers, more dates, more steamy nights…
Inspire devotion –and you draw those amazing women who drape you with their delicious, aromatic hugs, their gratitude, and if you want it – love.
Step up your game today the easiest way possible.
Image Credit: celebritynetworth
So last week, I spent 6 days in the Caribbean working with a group of men and some women on facing fears, stripping away noise and honing in on deepest strengths.
Everyone stood and gave a talk on their deepest wisdom, their core power.
And I want to share with you the core concept of one of the talks – given by a Silicon Valley dealmaker.
The core is this: knowledge can change you only a little. What will help you truly transform is to build an ecosystem around you that supports you.
What does that mean?
It means you surround yourself with ideas, books, programs, audios, videos, podcasts, youtube clips that nourish your ambition and feed your advancement.
You jettison junk media that clutters your mind with trivia and you hone your mental instrument.
It means you surround yourself with PEOPLE who not only support your rapid evolution but who, like you, live lives that are devoted to growth and evolution.
You jettison those who want to keep you in your place. Who want to keep you limited. Who want to crunch your potential down to fit the convenience of their perception and imagined hierarchy. As you grow, as you change, as you gain skills, your very advancement will often threaten the status quo and role of your parents, your brothers, your friends. Be on guard! A few choice words from them may send you reeling back through weeks, months or even years of hard-gained wisdom.
As I see it, there are two types of people. First – those who are committed – almost like soldiers – to expand their minds, improve their bodies, deepen their ability to know and feel their emotions, to open their hearts to feel the reality of others, to achieve greatness at every chance and to love fearlessly no matter what.
And second – the living dead. Better looking that the Walking Dead – but no less in stasis. Just existing. Without a sense of adventure, growth or change.
If you are with me, then you are devoted to ever-greater success with women, ever more internal power and confidence (grounded in truth, curiosity and vulnerability).
And despite your highest estimation of yourself – you can’t to this alone.
We are social beings. We need tribes. We thrive on ecosystems of support.
So this weekend I want you to think about your ecosystem. What are reading? What are you watching? Who are you hanging around with? Are you getting coaching? Do you attend workshops? What are you studying? Who is supporting you?
Additionally – how can I support you? What do you need to learn? To do ? To practice?
Improvement is your choice.
So is the ecosystem you choose to live in.
Leave your comments below – let me know what you need. What you want. And where you want to go.
To Your Best Life,
You get to choose your core identity.
When you allow others to impose their boundaries of identity on you, it diminishes you as a man. Actually, it diminishes you as an evolving human being.
So what are you? What are “we”? The frame you carry around in your head will determine how you act in your life – and what and who you attract.
Most people have been brought up with this idea that we are “Homo sapien sapiens.” That roughly means “knowing man.” But who do you think came up with the idea that thinking is the CORE of what defines us?
That would be – big surprise here – thinkers. Scientists. Guys who value knowledge above all. It makes sense they’d prioritize our ability to know.
But is “knowing” truly our core?
Socrates made a great living showing how little we actually know — until they killed him for it. He was like a Greek form of LSD – exposing the narrow confines of our normal mind and all the constrictions that fuzzy thinking, civil society and social life have clapped over our skulls.
But there are other suggestions of what our “core” might be.
Religious traditions like to think we have a “soul” that is inside, independent from and separate from our bodies. Which is a great way to demean the body, by the way – and eventually demonize it.
When you separate the soul from the body, the body becomes secondary, then an obstacle, then an “evil” antagonist. And suddenly you have a culture that makes sex something bad and shameful.
That never made sense to me, even as a child, and I think modern neuroscience would have a hard time separating out the “soul” from the synapses in which it supposedly dwells. The body and mind are the same stuff, and this is coming more and more clear as we understand the chemistry of thought and emotion.
Some people have gotten all excited that we are tool-making creatures and behold – THAT’S what separates us from the rest of the lowly creatures around us. They define us as “Homo Faber” – man who “makes” stuff. Sorry. Ants, chimps, and all sorts of birds use tools all the time. Termites make really intricate underground cities.
Yes, we humans are wonders of fabrication, of making “stuff” – but is that your CORE? Is that how you want to identify yourself – as a glorified termite? Or merely a breathing assembly line?
Nor do I identify myself primarily as a “consumer” – which, if you absorb corporate media daily, you might start believing.
I want to suggest to you that we are something else at your core – and I want to hear your opinion on this.
There was a book written in the early 20th Century called “Homo Ludens” – man who plays, or “playful man”.
Huizinga, who wrote the book, says that play is core not only to who we are, but also that our entire culture is actually play – it’s just that we don’t see it that way. We layer all kinds of egoic needs over that play.
If you have spent time with a little child – or have actually been a little child – then you know that play is core to our their being. They are curious. They want to see what stuff DOES. What it IS. Small children look for DELIGHT and for ways to turn what is in front of them into delight.
Give them crayons or paint or blocks – or in the case of my 11 month old – other children. I once came into his daycare group to see him separated from all other kids – all little girls in dresses – by a dog gate in the day-care lady’s kitchen. She explained that during circle time, he had crawled around the circle and pushed each little girl over like bowling pins.
“Is he evil?” I asked,
“No – he just wanted them to DO something.”
We all just want to make the world and all its astonishing raw material do something.
We want to set it spinning. We want to blow dandelion seeds into the air and watch them float.
And, as men…
We want to get women laughing. Give them pleasure. Bring them to orgasm.
But how we go about this makes all the difference in the world.
This is why I caution against the constricted arena of “The Game” and of “gaming” women. Gaming women is play as battle, with the end of the game being the whole point. The destination being the focus rather than the journey.
Which of course makes the woman a mere chesspiece in your egoic forward charge.
Not nice for her. Self-constricting for you.
Instead, substitute pure play as the game you are playing with women.
The beauty of play is that you go forth into the world primarily to have a good time and discover what happens! You explore, you provoke, you create laughter, delight, pleasure, insight – all in the child-like frame of exploration.
Which you think is more appealing to women? That you’re gaming them? Or that you are a man awake to the wonder of the moment? To seeing what colors you can blend in the moment, what music you can create of the moment, what joy you can create in the moment?
So many men have been reduced into Gamebots by the PUA mindset of “must close a woman.” Yeah, it’ll get you laid from time to time. But you’ll miss out on life as it arises around you in all its joy and fascination.
Open yourself, rather, by going out with no goal but to give joy, insight and delight to the women you meet. The boy scout rule of “leave them better than when you found them” – rather than “negged” and manipulated.
Rather than “close” a woman like a used-car deal, open her up.
There is, I guarantee you, a juicy center, waiting for you, when you do.
“You’re being asked to say yes to a great unknown,
to an adventure that will be exciting but also
dangerous and even life threatening”
You don’t want to stay static forever…
You know you can’t stay static forever…
You know that life offers so much more than the stilted love, the
withheld truths, the self-crushed hopes for deep, hot, sweaty,
You want more.
The beauty. The sweet kisses. The sweaty nights. Flesh on flesh.
Lips on lips. Heart opened to heart – two bodies. One flesh.
All walls crumbled to powder. Truth.
You look at your life. Your job. Your apartment. Your friends.
The nights when you return home alone -with nothing for company
but the mocking glow of your computer screen.
You want more.
You want passion. You want adventure. You want crazy sensual
abandon, but more than anything else…
You want to feel ALIVE.
Because, deep inside, beneath the day-to-day obligations and
gettings-along– you know that this moment, this rest-stop in your
life is not enough.
You refuse to be stuck.
You refuse to fail in your quest for passion.
Because you know this is your life – your ONLY life…
And every day that you allow to pass without breaking through into
NEW realms of possibility, of boldness, of clarity is a waste of
“Some of us turn down the quest, some hesitate, some
are tugged at by families who fear for our lives and don’t
want us to go…”
Here’s the thing…
Those voices, your “family” may now be voices in your own head.
Telling you can’t win the girl of your dreams. Telling you that
you have to settle. Telling you that you are not worthy.
Those voices are not real.
To break through to the adventure, you’ve got to leave those voices
“You hear people mutter that the journey is
foolhardy, doomed from the start.”
Leave behind the dream-killers. I did.
I woke up every morning next to a woman who saw me as only a
reflection of her own limitations. Who hated my success, my
potential, my happiness, my joy – because, for her, it was a mirror
to her own fear of success.
I broke free.
It wasn’t easy. I had to break my family in half. I had to go
into debt. I had to bear the pain of dinners at restaurants with
me and my two boys, looking over at other tables of happy husbands
and wives with their kids – whole.
Was it worth it?
Because stasis in misery is NOT a way to live…
I left the “familiar zone” of a relationship and traveled into the
unknown forest of single life and discovered that this world is a
ready cornucopia of feminine love…
Women are waiting to love you…
To tend to you…
To offer their tender bodies – and their even more tender souls to
To soften the harshness, to bathe you in beauty, to calm your
heart, to remind you of what is primary and what is just social
b***shit, the masks people wear to get through the day
… and to bring alive your fantasies.
They yearn to bring you alive…
…as long as you bring yourself open to them – full-hearted,
full-souled, straight and honest, bold and true, light and
Can you be that for them?
Because they are waiting for you to be that for them.
“It is natural for you to hesitate before taking
the plunge. You feel fear constricting your breathing
and making your heart race. Should you stay with the
Home Tribe - and let others risk their necks in the quest?
Are you cut out to be a seeker.”
Every adventurer, heroes of countless stories hesitates on the
threshold of The Adventure.
Because they listen to the voices of the past.
Past errors. Past humiliations. Past rejections.
This is where you have a chance to break free and be The Seeker.
The Adventurer. The Alive One…
This is the moment – when you are called out of stasis – to CEASE
being a VICTIM and start becoming the HERO of your own life…
In our story here, to approach women fearlessly, to delight women
freely, to engage women profoundly, to please women orgasmically,
over and over and over again.
What’s keeping you from crossing over and being that man?
In many epic tales, there is a secret door that must be discovered
in order to escape the frustrating living-death of stasis.
I am your door, and there are no more secrets….
If you want to master boldness in body, in word, in sexual
leadership – go HERE - Instant Confidence is your secret door. If you want to step forward into TRUE and DEEP and HONEST and CONSCIOUS INTIMACY – go HERE - and join my elite inner circle of men on the path to partnership with most loving, luscious, awake partner possible. The Guaranteed Girlfriend Program is your secret door.
Walk through the door…
Head into the unknown forest.
Discover why you are here on Earth…
Dive into the bounty of feminine love.
Because stasis sucks.
Frustration kills your life spirit.
And eventually you’ll die unsatisfied and ungiven.
Break through the threshold of your fear into your next level of
This is the code of the hero.
To Your Best Life,
You don’t read me because you crave a mediocre life.
You don’t open my emails because you secretly dream of mediocre sex.
You read me because you believe something magnificent is available
Maybe you want beautiful, pliant, loving young women with lips soft
as rose-petals, skin like spring apricots, bodies juicy as cactus
fruit and lithe as otters.
Maybe you want one woman, wise and deep and passionate and loyal,
who will be your champion, your best friend, your harbor in the
storm and your beacon in the dark of night.
Maybe you’ve had terrible luck with women and you yearn for what
has seemed impossible – full acceptance, sensual play and sweet
aroma of a woman’s neck on your morning pillow.
You read me because you want MORE.
More PASSION. More EDGE. More EXCITEMENT.
You want to FEEL the joy and pleasure you know is available in this
life – but is somehow eluding you for the moment. And you want to
feel it now, before you get feeble, before they lay you cold in the
You will not get these things.
Unless you start like this…
This article is Step #1 of 9 – which I will be giving you over the
next 9 Sundays. I am giving you this framework to help you WAKE UP
from anything mediocre, to get BOLD, to go for the most fulfilling
exciting life you can and to bring the most beautiful, luscious,
loving, deep and life-giving women into your life. No settling!
Step #1 is – Get restless. Get angry. Get unhappy.
Not with yourself.
But with your situation.
With the stink of stasis.
With settling for mediocrity.
You want a life of passion? Then you’ve got to throw off
dispassion in your life.
You want beautiful women? Then you’ve got to stop settling for
“dates” with women who don’t rip lightning through your body when
her skin touches yours.
You’ve got to want to puke rather than settle for another round of
You’ve got to want to want to learn how to blast open a woman’s
heart and body by boldly diving deeper with her – in word, in
touch, in truth – than any man has ever before.
You’ve got to throw off the sweater-vest of the soul that keeps you
timid – and bare your chest to that next gorgeous woman…
You’ve got to invite her to wrap her lonely soul around your
pulsing body so that you BOTH can feel the pounding of life
coursing through this universe.
You’ve got to turn off the damned phone.
You’ve got to run screaming out of the mini-mall of the soul and
tear ass into the dark forest of life hungry for adventure.
You’ve got to shout “enough!”
In other words – you’ve got to shake yourself out of slumber, out
of your ordinary world, out of settling for anything less than what
life – LIFE! – offers – a swirling, intoxicating buffet of teeming,
florid, luscious pleasure, heroic canvases, love, tenderness, bliss
>>>>> Here’s How You Start… <<<<<
In every epic tale, every hero who does anything great starts out
being tortured by the mediocrity of his familiar world.
Think Luke Skywalker shambling around on Tatooine, dreaming of
Think of Dorothy in Kansas, a black and white tomb of
adventurelessness, before her technicolor acid-trip into Oz
Think of Steve Carell in Crazy, Stupid Love, perched self-pityingly
at the corner of the bar, bemoaning his fate, or, defeated as a
petting-zoo pony at the start of The 40 Year Old Virgin.
I ask you -- where have you given up in life?
Can you admit it to yourself? Can you allow yourself to feel it?
Can you feel the PAIN of it?
Most of us, when we start to feel where where we've settled, will
immediately start justifying our muddied dreams with excuses -
gotta work, got responsibilities, got expectations, got bills...
... and so you just careen toward the grave, self-imprisoned in a
life half-lived, senses dulled in shades of gray.
How much do you want something different than that?
How much do you want to be a SEEKER of a great life?
You read me because you are a SEEKER! And you are prepared to take
action and actually.... seek.
You read me because you are this man, here...
"You're uncomfortable, feeling you no longer fit in with
this drab, exhausted place... you may not know it... but
you're soon to join the select company of the Seekers,
those who have always gone out to face the unknown...
You're uneasy, but there's a thrill running through you.
You're poised to break free from this world, ready to
enter the world of adventure..." *
If you want more, you've got to curse the mediocrity of accepting
You've got to understand there is no such thing as "wasting time" -
there is only "wasting LIFE!" Your life.
Time has all the time in the world.
You do not.
Do you want that dream girl? Do you want dreamy women draped over
your torso, hips steaming, eyes half-lidded, thanking you in
If you do, then keep reading. This is an epic journey we are taking...
>>>>> Open On: You <<<<<
For a minute here, I want you to think of your life-into-passion as
a movie that has a beginning, a middle and an end.
Today, we focus on the beginning so that you can be assured that
there will be a story at all!
Because if there is no need, no pain, no frustration, no yearning,
no vision - you will stay kaput in the bullseye of your boredom.
What would be the opening scene of the movie of your heroic
adventure into your dream life with women...
I know mine...
Open On: Night. A lone man stands before a window in a dark
living room. He turns the ring on his wedding finger like the slow
tourniquet it is. He gazes out over the sparkling city and says
"People are having great sex out there and
I'm not one of them."
That was the moment I decided I couldn't live the rest of my life
in mediocrity, in a marriage that was sapping my life force.
I can tell you some other opening scenes from men in this community:
Open On: Dusk. A North Carolina Bank. A BANKER, thirties, waits
till his last customer is gone and eagerly opens his private
laptop. A dating site. We see he has sent 30 messages. In his
inbox, zero. He shakes his head. But we can tell from his
athletic build that he is a fighter. Taking a breath and diving
in, he types, "Online Dating Advice - Killer Profile" and digs
into the findings...
***[This above is a true story - I met this Banker - he introduced
himself to me with his now pregnant wife - and she told the story
about how the color and energy of his profile (after he read Deep
Online Attraction) - blew her away].
Open On: Dusk. GUILLERMO is 24, with the straight back and
buzz-cut of a military man. We see it is his bedroom, the one he
grew up in. Clearly he's about to go out tonight to meet girls.
He stands before a long mirror. He checks his hair, his shirt and
jacket, his kicks. Just then we notice he's missing an arm. We
FLASH BACK to a nightclub and see him in the corner, empty sleeve
in his side pocket, ashamed, refusing his friends' calls for him to
come dance. BACK IN THE ROOM - Guillermo feels the empty sleeve.
Gazes at the PROSTHESIS in a case on his dresser, reaches out and
holds it, considering.
Will he wear it?
What is your opening scene? What is your pain? What is your LACK?
Where does your moment of truth begin?
What is the EXACT moment you've had or want to have or NEED to have
to finally shout "ENOUGH!" to the universe.
Enough mediocrity. Enough frustration. Enough failure.
I want you to take a hard look at your life, to tear away the gauze
that covers reality and ask yourself - what are you SICK of?
Every true hero starts with both an inner and an outer problem and
allows himself to FEEL THE PAIN of being limited.
We all have physical or financial limitations in our lives. Those
can be handled. Hell, my three-foot, wheelchair-bound friend Sean
is about to marry a lithe, beautiful woman. So don't tell me you
can't do it.
Because more importantly, we each bring internal limitations which
are far more destructive. Beliefs that we are not good enough, not
tall enough, not smart enough, not rich enough, not enough enough.
Well, guess what? Those inner challenges are EXACTLY what makes
you interesting. They are EXACTLY the springboard to your
adventure toward your dream woman (women) - because this
frustration is the rocket fuel to blast you out of a life of
settling for second- or one-hundredth best.
This is your weekend wisdom for today: specifically that your
unease, your frustration, your ANGER at missing out of a life of
the beautiful, loving, passionate women you most desire..
- this is your rocket fuel to blast you out of settling for
anything less than what you dream of.
Sit down a moment and write your opening scene. Write every
frustration you have with your life as it is. What would it look
like as the opening scene of a movie or of an epic tale? Write it
into the comments section of our blog HERE or send it to me at
I want to show you how your frustration is your gift - it is your
fuel to the next step in your epic journey into the arms, warmth
and love of the divine goddess in all her waiting, sensual beauty.
That next step, Step #2, we will get to next Sunday....
To Your Best [Epic] Life,
P.S. If you are SICK of not thrilling women, not waking them up to
the man you are, to life and adventure than join me in NY for my
one-time-only Electrifying Communication Intensive. Go HERE to
learn more and register.
P.P.S. * This quote is from Chris Volger’s book, The Writer’s
Journey, the essential screenwriter’s guide to crafting a heroic
journey for protagonists.