Men are mad.
Well, young men are mad.
Specifically men who don’t have access to women. Who don’t feel connected to them. Who don’t feel attractive. Who aren’t having sex with women.
Older guys – bodies less drenched with testosterone – are a little more resigned than angry. It’s one of the few gifts of age.
Men – often young but older too – troll and harass women online.
Call them b*tches and sl*ts and wh*res and c*nts.
They send scalding and cruel messages on dating sites when women don’t reply to their emails – more than you might imagine.
And sometimes – again now in Oregon – they find guns and shoot people so they can finally feel important. The shooter? He said girls at school didn’t respond to him well, so…
I want to share a reminder…
We are here in my learning community because we LOVE women.
We cherish them.
We delight in their delight.
We love making them laugh.
We love helping them break through their own limitations, as we break through our own.
We love making them come – over and over again.
We love their warm bodies.
We love their loving hearts.
We love them even when their own pain and wounds send up shields to us.
We love them right through their pain.
Even when it feels like “rejection” to us.
Our hearts can remain wide open.
And our courage is deep.
Our boldness is infinite – if we choose to access it.
As men, our ability to open wider as love is available to us every single moment that we are breathing…
And we can choose to open wider over and over and over again…
Not just because that “gets us girls” (which it does)…
Not just because it makes us admirable and supremely attractive men (which it does)…
Not because it’s the “spiritual” thing to do (which it is)…
But when we open as love through our own pain – and through the pain of others – that becomes who we are….
We BECOME ever-opening love.
Which is a helluva thing to be…
And we thereby CREATE our own lives – moment by moment – from that place of internally generated love.
No one can turn off your ability to love and bring laughter, intrigue, flirtation and depth except for you.
As an individual men.
At the wheel of your own ship.
We just keep on bringing it.
Night and day.
In joy and in grief.
Refusing to close our hearts.
Not mistaking women’s pain for our own limitations.
Not assuming that any woman or anyone owes us ANYTHING at all.
Even though we secretly wish they did.
You are the engine of your reality.
Every day – you and I get to decide where we want to point that engine.
Into anger, blame or giving up.
Or toward a deeper and wider and boundless love…
No matter what arises.
This is where true masculine power lies.
When we do this, we become the hope for humanity.
Men: I love your strength and your willingness to keep your engines burning and your nose pointed toward love.
I need you. Women need you.
You need you.
p.s. if you have thoughts about this – please write me personally at www.Facebook.com/
When I teach women, I teach them to trust a man by his actions, not his words.
Because you and I know that a guy will say just about anything to get into her sweet little panties. To win her favor. To be liked and admired.
Women mistrust us – and in some ways, they should.
But should you trust women? When should you? When should you not?
Until we prove ourselves trustworthy.
In my online dating program, Deep Online Attraction, I (of course) give you lots of ways to establish trust right there in your profile…
- Talk about your sisters, if you have them, and use their first names.
- Talk about the men you admire and the trustable qualities you admire about them (you win by association.)
- Set up a high bar to qualify women who will write you – say things like “Honesty and integrity are cornerstones of my life, and if you are inclined to write me, please hold the same values in the same high regard.” Or “Only honest, open, considerate and kind women welcome. I value women who are kind to all and snooty to none.”
Again – you win by association with those values – and you win because you are taking the “prize” position and creating qualifiers and filters.
Now here’s the thing…
Should you trust women?
I hear men – usually the most frustrated men – calling women catty, b*tches, BBD girls (bigger, better, deal) etc…
They say girls only go online for a free dinner, 5 nights a week (it happens).
They say girls don’t know themselves, that they are flakes, that they are entitled, that they are rude etc…
And it happens with guys too.
And some girls.
This is important – because if you start cultivating those negative opinions about SOME women, they will start to color your attitude toward ALL women.
And you will destroy anything you spark with the really quality women of the world.
We live in a culture of distraction and overwhelm.
If I thought about all the crap on E! and Bravo! And 100 other channels, then I would never be able to concentrate on Breaking Bad or True Detective (yes, season one) or The Unbreakable Kimmie Schmidt.
It’s the same with women.
Don’t let the bad ones spoil your appreciation and love for women in general.
Women are more transparent by their speech – if they sh*t talk men, or other women early on when you meet them – you have to decide if you want this flow of negativity in your life. No matter what she looks like.
If she cancels on you last minute and doesn’t profusely apologize, walk on. She doesn’t value you and won’t value you.
If you trawl the bars and clubs, you’re less likely to meet the quality of woman who is doing a 10K run for leukemia, or volunteering at the animal shelter, or building schools in India, or mentoring girls, or building her own business.
Go where the fishing is good.
And in your conversation and online profile, use bait that attracts in women who are loving, wholehearted, kind, thoughtful, passionate and good.
Here at The Higher Game, we LOVE women.
We love them for the way they love us (god help their souls). For their beauty and their softness and their sexiness. For the way they nurture each other and children and pets and their elders. We love them for their creativity and lightness, and daffiness and fierceness.
And when we come across a woman who is a flake or a tease or a money-grabber or just mean – we say to ourselves, “this one is on a longer journey of healing than others.”
And we bless her and wish her well.
We do this not for her, but for our own hearts as men, as warriors, as protectors, as lovers.
So we keep our hearts clean and whole and open and powerful and loving.
So when that astounding beauty who is a fountain of love and passion and laughter walks into our lives…
… she discovers a man who stands ready to meet her. Lead her. Love her. Inspire her. And walk her into her greater magnificence.
Do it for you.
Hey I want to say something important to you about how things have changed in the last few years.
There’s no more hiding.
In the early 2000’s, the PUA movement was underground, experimental and covered the spectrum from innovative and funny – to disgusting and demeaning.
In cultural time, this might as well have been centuries ago.
Today, we live in a world of Facebook and Youtube and Google – and there is no more hiding.
Happiness is a seductive tyrant.
We are the only country in the world that has “happiness” built into our national founding documents.
Most of humanity, and most of history, is little more a struggle to survive. To create a modicum of health and security. To create a stable rule of law.
But in our slap-happy country, we are told we have the right to pursue happiness!
Hey there. So…
Like you, I never stop learning…
And this weekend I’m in Boulder, Co. at the first ever Success 3.0 Summit where we are exploring what it means…
… to be a SUCCESSFUL HUMAN BEING…
What it means…
to be happy
to be self-expressed
to find your UNIQUE voice
to find your UNIQUE source of joy
to give your UNIQUE gifts…
to contribute to this world
.. and of course, how to share that with someone in real intimacy.
So here we are, you and me…
You are right there.
I’ve packed my bags, left my beloved hot tub, my hauntingly dry mountaintop just outside L.A. and am writing to you from between two babies on a cramped plane on the way to Boulder.
And I want you to know why I’m doing this to myself:
It has to do with your happiness – and your WHOLE being…
Last night I spoke on stage to about 200 men and women on how to date and connect deeply and intelligently.
Also with me were my good buddy David Wygant and my stellar makeover coach Kim Seltzer who was so amazing at the NYC ACI event, along with some matchmakers.
I loved it – and could have spoken for 24 hours straight because the men and women there were REALLY SERIOUS about figuring dating, love and intimacy out.
And I had a powerful realization I wanted to share with you because I think it will make a big difference for you…
“Nothing is as uncomfortable, dangerous, and hurtful as believing that I’m standing on the outside of my life looking in and wondering what it would be like if I had the courage to show up and let myself be seen.”
– Brene Brown, Daring Greatly
Have you ever felt like that?
That you are “outside” of your life, looking in?
Have you had moments when you were on a date…
Everybody wants to be saved.
Whole religions are founded on the promise that you’ll be relieved of your misery by the actions of somebody else. Even somebody else who died a long time ago.
That’s how powerful our craving to be saved is.
Hey and good morning.
I’m writing to you from a little café in Hayes Valley in San Francisco.
About 70 men and women are flying in here this weekend to play, explore and break through obstacles at my intense (and fun) Attract-Connect-Inspire Workshop.
Men and women together.
Diving deep together.
Getting real and vulnerable – in ways you NEVER get to do out there in the “normal” world.
What a crazy idea, huh?