Claim Her, Don’t Conquer Her

Adam Gilad
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What is the difference between lovingly claiming a woman and carelessly “conquering” her?

Because from the outside, it can look like the same thing.  The dance of seduction can be either a delicious tango or a disguised shove over a cliff..

Maybe it’s the seasoning of years.  Maybe it’s the weariness of witnessing people’s pain.  But the whole of idea of “conquest” of women has grown distasteful to me.

Maybe it was distasteful all along, but I just didn’t see it as clearly.

And, at the same time, the appeal of lovingly claiming a woman has grown in me.  The ability to take her safely into my arms and my heart.  To guide her, both as mirror and messenger, into her own deeper self-love.  Love of her body.  Love of her dreams.  Love of her uniqueness.  Love of her own ability, as a woman, to be a bodily vehicle of love.  Not just to me, but to her family, friends, pets – really to everyone she encounters.  A breath of fresh air. A recharge.  An inspiration.

When you conquer a woman, you take something from her for yourself.

When you claim a woman, you give her something of yourself.  You give her safety, if even for the moment alone.  You give her your care, your strength, your penetrating insight into the best of who she is and you give her all your aggregated abilities (mind, body, spirit, communication) to nourish her like a seedling so that she may bloom open in your presence.

So that she can feel her body as a flow of something divine and beautiful beyond her day-to-day self. So that she can feel her heart as a conduit of love and surrender, unguarded and unashamed.  So that she can feel you as a harbor where she can dock or bobble in the waves.

A harbor that remains open at the mouth.  A harbor that holds her from love and care but does not entrap her from fear.

When you seek to conquer a woman, you create a victim, something that is necessarily “defeated.”

When you claim a woman, you enlarge yourself.  You create gratitude.  You create love, both in your own wounded heart and hers.

And both of you win.

This is the difference between sexual predation and erotic mastery.

This post currently has 4 comments.

  1. william sorrell
    February 28, 2013

    Outstanding expression of a noble vision, Adam. That approach feels life-expanding and limitless. Conquering feels like I’m trampelling something.

    My struggle is seeing so many broken, unfinished, confused women (especially Boomers) and wondering whether I have enough patience to get them to begin blooming. I have plenty to give them, but it is a two-way street; I need something back, too.

  2. Alenka
    February 28, 2013

    Yes, Adam, thiis is evactly the one thing we are looking for!! Well, at least I am… 🙂 And when a man approaches us like that, he is sure to get even more of my feminine power and beauty, the exact thing he is yearning for.

  3. Zeky
    February 28, 2013

    Beautiful. The PUA community has it backwards.Pray, how do I become this man?

  4. greggarious
    February 28, 2013

    Exquisite poetry, the only way to express this wisdom. It is the difference between pornography and eroticism, it comes not just from the loins, but from the heart as well. and the mind and imagination is in service to both. The Integrated Man, a new program in the Erotic Knight series, just give email address and get a free–
    Just kidding. Listen to your grandfather, he knew this stuff.


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