Why does anybody lie?
Because they are afraid of something. Actually they are afraid of two specific things.
And when we are afraid of these things, love and commitment is impossible.
Almost every day, I hear from women who ask why men lie on their profiles – about their age, their weight, even their marital status!
Because my goal is to alert you to the “red flags” of the wrong men, and to become a connoisseur of the “green flags” that the right men put out, let me tell you a few things that will help.
Crucial Tip #1: Not All Men Lie
Some men lie. Some women lie. I want you to never approach a date or a profile with the frame that “I suspect you are a liar.” That is one of the biggest turn-offs a man can experience from you.
Remember – as I’ve been driving home these last few days, men want to be your hero. If he is not a liar, if he is not sinned against you, your suspicion will feel like a dagger to his good will toward you. It will drive him back and away. So you always want to assume the best of the man before you. Innocent until proven guilty.
Now, you and I weren’t born yesterday, so we know we must still be alert. To give your heart and body to a man, you need to trust him.
Trust is the ground floor in the edifice of love.
That is why in Intimacy University, I give you small, almost imperceptible “tests” and “invitations” to bring out his truthfulness and authenticity. Asked right, men reveal their true selves. Asked wrong, men retreat into their defenses.
Crucial Tip #2: Men Lie Because of Shame
Listen closely, because this one fact can change your entire relationship to men…
Male shame is different than female shame. Because women generally glean your self-worth by the love, bonds and affection from your social and family networks, shame is not that big a deal to you. Lack of love hurts much more than a lack of “status” or “respect.”
For men, it’s the opposite. Because our social networks tend to be smaller, because our self-worth is grounded in our status, in our sense of winning (and not losing!), because we are acutely and painfully aware of “failing” in even the smallest ways, we tend to guard our faults and flaws.
Once he trusts you, he will reveal his vulnerabilities and inner doubts. But PLEASE don’t expect him to do that up front. Just as you need to trust him, he needs to trust you before he risks his inner feelings of “shame.”
I ask men in my work with them to be forgiving of you because you need to test their trustworthiness in a many ways – and I urge them to welcome your loving challenge.
So too I ask you to be forgiving of men if they hold back their self-doubts up front. Once he trusts that you will not judge or scorn him for “being human,” you will receive the treasures of his vulnerable and true heart
To learn more about how to do this, please watch this Webinar I just recorded for you…
Crucial Tip 3: Men Lie to Themselves [And Don’t Realize It Until You Come Along]
This is actually one of the greatest gifts you can give a man…
To help him see what he can’t – or wont – see on his own. Namely all the little lies he tells himself to keep his ship moving forward. This isn’t an evil. It isn’t an endemic and fatal flaw. It’s his way of keeping his chin up.
Think of men as “weary warriors.” Out there all day trying to “get ahead.” Involved in subtle, painful status games with his co-workers, his colleagues, bosses and employees. Feeling rejected by women who don’t give him a second look.
Most men are on a mission of some kind, even if it’s to make ends meet or try to do an honorable job.
A man is like a ship plying the waters of the world. That ship is going somewhere, and if the captain has to ignore the little leaks or paper them over in order to keep the ship moving toward its goal – he will.
It is often only in the loving embrace of a good woman that a man can stop and look at those leaks and really deal with them in a spirit of safety, self-acceptance and self-forgiveness.
If you can be THAT woman – he will be so deeply grateful to you, that he probably will not want to let you go.
Commitment and devotion are HEALING processes. Let me show you how to heal the good man who deserves your heart – and in the process, heal your own heart as well.
I have compiled a “graduate school” level program called Intimacy University where you will learn all the secrets and practices of being THAT AMAZING WOMEN that all good men yearn for.
You can learn more about it and join me for this 5-week program here….
Or you can watch this replay webinar I made for you which explains more deeply what is blocking you from finding the right man for you and inviting him successfully into commitment and devotion.
I want you to walk… actually, to dance!… into a life of love with a good man.
The lessons and practices you will find in Intimacy University are your “magic key” – because they put you inside the mind of the best men – and teach you how to cultivate the love they are holding within into a lifelong appreciation and love for you.
To Your Life of Love,
Yesterday, I began to explain to you the exquisite process of inviting a man into his deepest desire, which is to be a HERO for a woman who supports, appreciates and loves him.
Without someone to love us and celebrate our wins – our lives feel arid and empty. Despite the show we put on that we feel proud and great. Returning to an empty house but not a true “home” with you is a plummet downward. And ultimately, sad.
But here’s the crucial thing I need you to know: men do NOT want to be your hero right away.
If you ask him to be a hero in your profile or on a first date, you will send him running. It will feel like compulsion, or a demand. And most quality men do not want to feel “compelled” into commitment – they want to be INSPIRED into commitment.
Here’s the three-step process and I urge you to follow it in its natural order.
Step 1: Invitations
Don’t demand. Invite. Invite him, with your eyes, and gestures as well as with your words to do little things for you – pull out the chair, open the door, surprise you with a plan for dinner or an evening.
Step 2: Reward
Then, when he does the thing you’ve invited him to do – let him know emphatically that it is a “win” for him. Reward him. The best and most effective reward that a man can feel from you involves your body.
I don’t mean throw yourself at him and rip off his clothes. Although, yes, I guarantee he’ll open the door for you next time if you did.
I mean cuddle up close. Stroke his arm. Give him a hug or a warm, slow kiss on the cheek. Let him inhale your beautiful perfumes, your sweet warmth and presence. Men, despite, the cliché, don’t just want sex…
We crave your feminine presence – up close. It warms us. It inspires us. And most importantly, it shuts down our clickety-click brains for a few moments and awakens our hearts.
Step 3: Reinforcement
Follow your “reward” with words of appreciation. Let us know how our actions on your behalf make you feel. Tell him you “love it when a man knows how to lead” or “I love how safe you make me feel” or “I feel so honored and adored when you ask me about my children. It makes me feel close to you.” And yes touch his arm, stroke his hair, brush your fingers along his palm as you say this.
I can teach you how to open the hearts of men as well as invite them into being your hero and into commitment – and more importantly – devotion.
It is a process, not a thunderbolt.
I walk you along this process in more detail , here in this webinar – which you can watch now…
This webinar, and my Intimacy University holds the key for you to get men to feel – in their bodies as well as in their minds – what a treasure you are – and what a victory it would be for them to have you in their lives.
Not merely for a date or two. But for a lifetime.
Watch the video now. I think you’ll see what I mean…
This is the most powerful truth I can tell you about men and how to invite them into making a devotional commitment to you.
Tomorrow, I’m going to tell you something equally crucial about “why men lie” – or don’t lie.
Remember, Intimacy is a skill just like anything else important in life. Treat it seriously. That begins with this webinar. Take notes! But more important, take action! If you want to learn more about how to join me for Intimacy University – then please go here.
If you want to watch the webinar, go here: The 5 Obstacles To Commitment And How To Dissolve Them (Not The Men, The Obstacles)