Love That Bitch!
I was sitting with a pro athlete tonight – a guy who is not only huge, but smart, sensitive, warm, insightful and thoughtful.
He is very successful with women – and we started talking about what triggers him. And though he loves being the masculine with women, and loves feminine women – particularly Asian and European women, he gets riled up when American women challenge him.
Now, don’t get me wrong. You don’t have to like or love any woman. You don’t HAVE to.
But your practice to grow as a man who CAN love through any trigger is to learn to love through your hurt, your ego, your defensiveness.
This dude said he felt the need to meet a woman’s challenge with a bigger challenge. “Don’t you know I can crush you?” is the feeling, but not the words he feels and, drawing on his deep masculine competitive spirit, wants to show he can “beat” them – not physically, though the word suggestion is instructive, but in the terms of “winning”
I gave him a practice to evolve beyond this reaction. Remember – the more evolved you become, the more you consciously respond to stimuli, rather than simply react.
I asked him, whenever a woman challenged him or triggered his sense of defensiveness, rather than strike back to win – instead – step back and CELEBRATE her as a woman being a woman! Here is her fierceness coming out! Fantastic! She probably also has nurturance and fear and hurt and humor – but right now, her fierce color is emerging.
Without the smallness of his personality reacting to her personality, he has the ability to watch the dance of the sexes jockeying for position and importance- without having to be brought down into the ring.
“Yeah, give it to me! Bring on that inner bitch! That’s sexy! I know it’s part of you and I celebrate ALL of you in all your complexity!”
Walt Whitman wrote, in Song of Myself, “Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes.”
Good for him! And good for that challenging angry woman in front of you. You don’t’ have to let her anger in and get triggered. You can simply revel in the fierce, complex, contradictory and puzzling “multitudes” of her reality.
And by the way – you can do the same thing for yourself.
Practice this TODAY – with every woman who triggers you. Maybe its that suited exec who seems utterly unapproachable and haughty.
When you learn to love THROUGH your personality rather than with it, when you learn to love DESPITE your personality – but rather draw from a deeper and vaster well of love and perspective – you will be MORE ready for your beloved, should she ever arrive.
And you will inspire her love more deeply by your skill, your vastness and your equanimity.