Online Dating

Love That Bitch!

Adam Gilad
8 COMMENTS
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I was sitting with a pro athlete tonight – a guy who is not only huge, but smart, sensitive, warm, insightful and thoughtful.

He is very successful with women – and we started talking about what triggers him.  And though he loves being the masculine with women, and loves feminine women – particularly Asian and European women, he gets riled up when American women challenge him.

Now, don’t get me wrong.  You don’t have to like or love any woman.  You don’t HAVE to.

But your practice to grow as a man who CAN love through any trigger is to learn to love through your hurt, your ego, your defensiveness.

This dude said he felt the need to meet a woman’s challenge with a bigger challenge.  “Don’t you know I can crush you?” is the feeling, but not the words he feels and, drawing on his deep masculine competitive spirit, wants to show he can “beat” them – not physically, though the word suggestion is instructive, but in the terms of “winning”

I gave him a practice to evolve beyond this reaction.  Remember – the more evolved you become, the more you consciously respond to stimuli, rather than simply react.

I asked him, whenever a woman challenged him or triggered his sense of defensiveness, rather than strike back to win – instead – step back and CELEBRATE her as a woman being a woman!  Here is her fierceness coming out!  Fantastic!  She probably also has nurturance and fear and hurt and humor – but right now, her fierce color is emerging.

Without the smallness of his personality reacting to her personality, he has the ability to watch the dance of the sexes jockeying for position and importance-  without having to be brought down into the ring.

“Yeah, give it to me!  Bring on that inner bitch!  That’s sexy!  I know it’s part of you and I celebrate ALL of you in all your complexity!”

Walt Whitman wrote, in Song of Myself,   “Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes.”

Good for him!  And good for that challenging angry woman in front of you.  You don’t’ have to let her anger in and get triggered.  You can simply revel in the fierce, complex, contradictory and puzzling “multitudes” of her reality.

And by the way – you can do the same thing for yourself.

Practice this TODAY – with every woman who triggers you.  Maybe its that suited exec who seems utterly unapproachable and haughty.

When you learn to love THROUGH your personality rather than with it, when you learn to love DESPITE your personality – but rather draw from a deeper and vaster well of love and perspective – you will be MORE ready for your beloved, should she ever arrive.

And you will inspire her love more deeply by your skill, your vastness and your equanimity.

This post currently has 8 comments.

  1. Jason Palmer
    October 31, 2012

    Great looking forward to hearing more. I get to defensive regularly and need to stop that. Cheers

      Reply
    • Adam
      November 18, 2012

      Jason – it’s a natural thing to do… I’ll be doing a whole program on this – how to prevent conflict from destroying your relationships… keep an eye out.

        Reply
  2. Harry
    October 31, 2012

    Hi Adam

    Yes this piece hits the mark. Women challenge men on many
    levels. Our gut instinct says react and show her who we really are.
    However doing the opposite by responding and playing along instead
    throws her off balance and shows that you know how to handle her. It also stokes the intrigue level as you aren’t being that predictable wuss she thought
    you were.

    I’ve learnt this the hard way, I showed that I cared too much too
    quickly. It still hurts today but she taught me to respect her! I’ve grown
    to love myself and her more in the process.

    Regards

    Harry

      Reply
    • Adam
      November 18, 2012

      We are all on the path. Some of us are walking. Some are running. Some are sitting in the way, picking their noses. Onward!

        Reply
  3. franck
    October 31, 2012

    i need to get women everywhere in the world

      Reply
    • Adam
      November 18, 2012

      Take vitamins

        Reply
  4. Fc
    October 31, 2012

    Not too surprising but your points are spot on, Adam.

    My example isn’t so much about attraction so some of it will be not apply in the same way. But the last part is something I think many would do good to keep in mind (and I admit I’m far from perfect on that part but I am better than I used to be):

    Although (their) goal was different, my experience growing up (and in particular, my responses) were in many ways a mistake. I’m talking about bullies. I either ignored them (and avoided fights if at all possible) or I confused them with sarcasm and other things that they were too dense to understand. That some times did get them very angry/whatever else. Thing is this: neither approach I used did much good in the end for myself. It’s all I knew though, at the time.

    One thing that can help and also frustrate people that are intentionally trying to give you a hard time: be incredibly nice to them. Go out of your way to be nice to them. While its hard it really can win people over. Of course, that’s more valid for say, a co-worker. In the sense of being “tested” (say during an interaction of a guy and girl that may have some attraction built), then sure you might not want to be too “nice” (In the same way) but for people trying to give you a hard time, this is something that will eventually win them over if you can manage to keep it up.

    In the end of the day: there’s no real winners of arguments. If you make someone upset or they make you upset, what is gained? Nothing unless the person who upsets the other has very low self and it makes them “feel better” (like a bully). But realistically that’s not helping them, at all, even if it feels like it to them. And it most certainly is not going to change the other person in a positive way. More likely they’ll see you as negative, hurtful and generally not someone you want to be around. It’s an unfortunate and vicious cycle, though.

      Reply
    • Adam
      November 18, 2012

      Wisely said.

      Music, after all, calms the savage beast.

      Kindness is music. Gifts are music. Compassion is music.

        Reply

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