Online Dating

The State of Online Dating Sites: Winners and Scams

Adam Gilad
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Recently I asked you to fill out a survey on the best and worst dating sites. About 100 of you replied.

About 5 men said they hated them all they were all scams or didn’t work.

Well, nearly 20% of marriages happened off dating sites last year and everyone I’ve worked with who uses Deep Online Attraction has skyrocketed their success in attracting and meeting women…

… so the first lesson is – it works, if you do it right. If you do it wrong, it will not work. Don’t blame the messenger. Get Deep Online Attraction and approach online dating like a pro!

In giving you the results, I have filtered for rural, suburban or city dwellers – because it makes a difference. I noticed answers came in from Australia, India, Poland, Indonesia and Ghana and I have marked those where it matters.

My goal here is to give you the best and up to date info on which sites have lots of available women, and which don’t, which are easy to use, and which, not.

First let’s talk about the SCAMS and what to avoid…


Several respondents said that is full of con artists, fake profiles and full of people paid to keep you chatting and subscribing there. Others listed,, as sites that have lots of fake profiles. Some noted that the “teaser pages” that appear in emails have lots of nude photos that area probably mostly fake.

One respondent said that was basically a scam and I have read that yes, they leave profiles up of people who aren’t there.

Another site to avoid is Said one guy, “ Years ago I met someone local and had a great time. Now…Horrible. Inundated with Nigerian scammers wanting to chat. Or webcam site girls. EVERY single person I’ve chatted with or had correspondence with who was even remotely attractive turned out to be fake. EVERY one. I finally had to cancel and turn off their misleading emails. Horrible. Did I say Horrible? Yes.”

Sounds pretty horrible.

One member listed Flirt (again) and BeNaughty because there are a lot of scam accounts and if you contact webmasters over there they just ignore your messages. I hate sites that have crappy customer service. It’s usually an indication that something bad is up. Some one has to pay and there is way too much *junk* to wade through.” This doesn’t surprise me, given their mass canvassing way of advertising. Added a second voice, “I don’t recommend singlesnet. Too many women in areas other than your own when you search. Its a site that doesn’t let you get specific in what you want.”

A big and consistent loser with at least five people dissing it, is Amateur Match. “It is a fake site that promises you people that do not exist. Just a money making racket,” said one and another guy said, “most emails are B/S, and you have to pay to reply. There’s no way to delete unwanted profiles. It’s a porn site masquerading as a dating site. Want to know for sure? Sign up and watch the emails dry up instantly.”

One guy said, “AmateurMatch and it’s sister site, Untrue, are full of fake profiles designed to lead guys on to keep them as members. I see this as someone exploiting a weakness in others for their own gain a most despicable practice and they should lose their access to the internet for life.”

Another said it’s “a totally fake site. Has not existent people listed on the site. It is just a money making sit that list people in Poland with big write-ups in English and unfortunately they do not exist nor is English spoken so fluently out here.”

Other sites mentioned for no interaction are the sites “as not that many women seem to check their mail or are actually subscribed to those.”

Zoosk…. was called “a bunch of fakes.” I myself tried it to see how it worked and it felt like a sinkhole of extra charges and they bothered me constantly with photos of girls I wouldn’t be caught in the dark with.

Another site noted for it’s pain-in-the-ass solicitations is PerfectMatch.

Which brings us to eHarmony. I have strong feelings about eHarmony. I think it’s expensive, it’s a pain to fill out the nazi-interrogation forms at the beginning and their vaunted algorithm has been proven to be phony. It’s a giant marketing scam.

One guy wrote, “eHarmony – it is, first of all, horrendously expensive. Its psychological profile to match you with compatible people is superficial and not very accurate. You have exactly two days to decide if you want a refund. You cannot even communicate with your so-called matches, at least initially, except by asking them eHarmony drafted questions.”

Another wrote… “EHarmony is like going through a interrogation to a crime. Some people don’t reveal their pic until the last stage of communication. Some of your matches given to you, you would run the hell away from rather than try you get to know. There are nice genuine girls there. the only disadvantage is most of them are looking to get married

It should be said, however, if you can stand the registration process which is long and detailed and IF you want to marry a traditional kinda girl – they are there in droves looking for a husband. So if that’s what you’re looking for, that’s a good place to shop.

Nevertheless, you might have to put up with some bs. Said one guy, “I broke out laughing when I got a response that they could not find any matches for me. Basically, their evaluation of me was that I was too good to be true. I saved a print out of their response. It is a *hoot*!”

Clearly he has gone through all my programs and IS too good to be true! ?

Millionaire “I did meet a girl that I am still casually dating from the site, but money is a central force in our relationship. My experience with the other girls on the site was similar… the girls want men with money even if they say differently.” Um, well, yes, the hint is in the name. Women there are looking for guys with cash and jobs – and if you don’t mind that as a filter, you can meet more attractive women there. Among the gold-diggers, you WILL find women who are sincere, they just want more established guys. I personally think you can do well there. – :Lots of women on here, but very few good ones. It takes a lot of weeding through them to find someone good. The few good women on here probably get tons of emails from guys which makes it hard to stand out. They probably delete many messages without ever reading them. This site is free, which explains the large number of women here. I wasted too much time on this site.”

So yes, POF is a mass-site, you get EVERYONE there. One guy wrote… “plentyoffish – not bad, but the “do you have a car” question pretty much shows that it’s really not my demographic. I like successful women who enjoy their work, and I tend to find more “I got a job and it pays the bills” type women here. Also, fewer attractive ones by far. I still use it sometimes.

My opinion – yes. Have a profile there AND on OKCupid. Look, they are free and you never know who you will meet since everyone and her mother (literally) is there. I don’t think it’s a primary site, but it’s good to use as a back-up and a place to try out more daring profiles. Almost everyone is a scammer. Don’t know this site, but wouldn’t be surprise., “I wrote to several ladies and then “picked one” to communicate and build a relationship. I wrote 150 letters and spent hundreds of dollars on “translation” fees, only to discover that the girl in the photo that I had been writing to… who I did meet… never wrote me a letter and had not read any of the letters I sent. It was a scam. My thought – avoid Russian girl sites and Eastern European Beauty type sites in general. I have seen little but grief come from these sites! [One guy did comment that on UADreams the ladies are looking for more than flirting they will reply to all emails

One frustrated guy listed his role of losers: eHarmony – just plain crap, no choices, matches made for you are not what you’re looking for; Christian Mingle, same reasons, no way of knowing if your message is read or can be read, Zoosk always send ugly women and pays no attention to your personal preferences, same with eHarmony, all the same.”

Senior… “I’ve communicated with some really whacked out woman on that site!”

Mate1: One man said members’ e-mail addresses are blocked or deleted making it frustrating to communicate once agreement to continue correspondence is agreed.

And there’s a site called which got this review: “they take your information (profile) and send it to other members telling you; ____ want’s to know you! ( I know because I use 2 emails and receive my own profile to the other email account of mine)” So they basically lie to create a false sense of desire. The same respondent noted that “ is theame as, actually I think there are the same company”)

Discrete Sex Dates “has to be one of the absolute worst and not much more than a ripoff scam site. Though it’s impossible to actually measure, I would estimate that well over 75% of the profiles are fake and maintained by the site itself or paid profile girls who almost all share almost identical patterns of communication down to the language of the ’emails’ they send to encourage sign ups and keep guys hoping. I’ve yet to actually connect with any of about 40 who’ve sent multiple flirts and two line emails. Many profiles don’t identify even a city, many have no photos, the chat rooms are filled with the same dozen people almost chronically (85% are old men), the three or four females are also the same faces all the time. And emails to customer or technical service for several bugs in the programs and inconsistent access to standard features are always ignored and never replied to, even with an automated email acknowledging receipt of an inquiry. For a site with mostly fake profiles the images are at best of plain and ordinary looking women (possibly a strategy to make it seem more real). Waste of time and money. You’ll get fairly regular flirts and emails but after a few tantalizing teases that go nowhere, they will be replaced with new flirts and emails from other profiles that appear suddenly. Profiles reveal very little and there’s not a lot of space or information on anyone’s.”

So yes, avoid that one.

Christian much? One guy wrote in…

“I tried but found it to be pretty fake too. And the few girls I connected with turned out to be either total snobs or head cases.”

[If anyone has good experiences with any of the Christian sites, let me know and I’ll forward that]

Cupid was deemed to have a “poor selection” so you’re better off with Match, OkCupid of POF. Cupid had zero fans. The worst review: “ and all of sister companies. Girls Date for Free, Fling, CheekyLovers, and new ones forming daily. Not much information keep sending messages trying to get you to join. I am not sure but I feel like they use women to sell for them. I have seen the same women contact me from each of them.

Another hate letter was written to Untrue:

“By far the worst site is Untrue. Location of girls is changed to match where you are. i.e., I am in Canberra Australia and a message is received purporting to be in a suburb not far from you. This is perpetuated in their profile. Only when you receive a message back do you realize they are in California, Idaho, Kentucky or some other American state. Their response when questioned about the practice is that it generates interest (more likely to increase revenue). Also messages are extremely slow being relayed, up to 22 hours, if at all). Being aware of this, I feel they are old profiles from other sites. On a scale of one to ten rated minus sixty nine.:

XDating was dissed because “You can’t even read messages without paying.”, which is an offshoot of got a rating of rating 5/10; “I have been through several iterations of emails with them about the number of matches they send me that have no picture or are from out of state. This site seems to be a scam to make extra money – there is no control over what matches you receive”

Another respondent nixed Chemistry as “awful in my opinion. There is no “open” communication, you can only pick one of several preselected “ice breakers”, that are dorky and lame. And you have to send out about four of these annoying questions before you’re given the option to exchange emails. In dating you have to strike while the iron is hot but you cant on this site, you will find yourself playing the waiting game. Which often leads to the desire dying down before you get to showcase your personality.” – don’t know much about it, but according to one respondent, “it has a ton of members that don’t seem active.

Many people wrote that the smaller niche sites like were not helpful in rural areas. Just not enough women. One person liked the idea of – for smarty-pants – was a member, but stopped using it because no one was in the Pittsburgh area New York would be better for Nerve. Same with –
The bigger sites like Match, OkCupid and POF are better there simply because they have more to choose from.

So that’s the bad….

These Sites Got Positive Reviews:

Now let’s talk about the sites you liked and why.

The largest selection is found on Match, OkCupid and POF.

Match is the undisputed big dog. As many guys said, you get a higher quality and response rate “cause you have to pay for the site people take it more seriously.” Some guys don’t like the $35 fee but in my book it’s the best deal in the world – you can meet thousands of local women! I also LOVE the “more like her” button. When I was dating, I’d find an educated, creative , slim beauty and just keep hitting that “more like her” button and up they would pop! One after another. Can’t complain about that! At this point, it’s all in your hands. The door is open.
*in Hawaii, apparently, there are way more men on Match than women. Can’t
speak to elsewhere.

Of the two free sites, OKCupid nudges out POF because of the (sometimes annoying) questions in the application process. But the 4 Harvard guys who run that site are smart, involved and constantly improving it. I think it’s the future. Says one user,
“I recommend OKCupid and Plenty of Fish. Both are free, which is a major plus. OKCupid is the better of the two – the quality of the women is higher, and the questions and answers provide valuable insight into the relationship potential.”

POF is, again, the street level player – you will get everybody, pretty or not, healthy or not, sane or not – because it’s just free and where “everyone” signs up.

Here are some other recommended sites: – Lots of ladies looking for Western men. I have gotten a lot of response and probably 50 ladies that I would be interested in. can be good if you live in an area where they have a significant presence and your activities fit with their inventory. Des Moines, Iowa is apparently a good place for it, so if you’re in a bigger urban area – might be worth checking it out.

AreYouInterested…because it has more people and easy to deal with.. Women are genuine, warm and serious about dating.

Fetlife: not really a dating site, more of a fetish site, but at least one community member has has gotten many dates from it. Seems like the majority are aged around 40, but someone in Orlando has luck with it.

As I said above, eHarmony can certainly work if you want marriage. One guy tells this story…

“I met my fiancee on eHarmony a year ago. My fiancee was only on eHarmony for 1 month when we met. E-harmony asks you to complete a psychological test when you sign up and matches you with women that are a good match for you. People we don’t know are coming up to us and telling us that we are the perfect match. If you’re looking for a serious relationship, the women on e-harmony are more honest with their profile so you don’t waste your time with someone who is not a good match for you. BTW – our wedding is in December.”

Jdate – Jdate is the most popular site in the Jewish community, although plenty of non-Jewish people use it as it tends to attract a more professional clientele. As one non-Jewish member wrote in, “I like meeting girls who I can relate to on a cultural & intellectual level. Most Jewish women I’ve met have been well-educated yet also down to earth.” Some found the women “tougher” and “self-entitled.” I myself have used it many times, and have found a lot of success. – got a couple of thumbs up for those in that playground.

Adult Friend Finder: it’s a site for sex, for quickies, for hookups. Guys said that there are lots of fakes but plenty of real women as well. Membership about $8 per month.
Sadly enough, says one guy, he had most success with AFF.

For sex, another guy says, “The best sites I have found are SexSearch, and XXXmatch. They have a good coverage of local girls, are prompt and reliable in their service and seem more genuine than others. Messages are passed promptly, with a majority of messages being received within a minute of being sent. They also provide you with profile photos of any girls who have viewed your profile, along with their age and city of residence.”

Badoo (HotOrNot), it is expanding in members and is good in my area Poland

The site that I recommend is SMIGGLE because you are happy any time you are connected with the ladies online.

I have friends who use

… all of which to great avail. There are many girls both in those countries and here, stateside, who are eager to meet a Westerner, for friends, for dates, for romance — and friends of mine have married girls off at least two of those sites.

Howaboutwe is good – in that girls are actually looking to go out on casual dates or hang out, yet are open to something more. Great in Chicago & Boston. It is an unusual site in that it opens you up to social activities.

Then we got a few replies about the sugar daddy sites.

Let me be clear about something – there is a whole variety of relationships available on the sugar daddy sites. It’s not all about pay for play. There are young women who are just looking for a guy who can afford dinner and treat them “like a lady.” Who can teach them things, show them new things.

SugarDaddy4Me is packed with attractive young women who have seen the show profiled on places like Tyra and figure why not turn their hot looks into a higher income bracket of dates. There are college girls and up, not all looking for a steady “arrangement” but are open to all kinds of things, from dates to having their bills paid.

Seeking Arrangement was recommended by a few respondents, “because what’s going on there cuts right to the specifics. Plus, I’m 46 and I like dating younger women. Women on traditional sites are to picky when it comes to age, and here, everyone knows what’s really going on and that’s why they are there.”

There is a new site called where you can actually make a 40-100 dollar offer (generally) cash payment for dates. This is a really fascinating new site, built for “nerds” who are bad at dating or busy guys who don’t have time to mess around — who can get a shot at meeting a higher quality of attractive women. I have actually just written a book about this site, interviewing both men and women, and I can tell you that people take the dating seriously there. Money on the table makes women more incentivized to meet you. There are all types on the site, although the CEO kicks escorts off. If you’ve had a hard time getting women to write to you – first of all – get Deep Online Attraction and put it to use! Second of all, try What’s Your Price.

Shagaholic – was mentioned because most freaks have an account for this (not the live version). I’m not sure what means but I thought I’d mention it.

Tangowire sites are said to get more replies and better choices. is a great sight to put you right into the action with chatting with women. Its a good push.

Rudefinder seems to be the ticket in Australia, as one guy commented it’s “easy to find locals and there are plenty to choose from” was recommended by one man because you can connect with people that are near in your area in an easy way. Everybody has a fb account, we can find (almost always) somebody there. A great way to start a conversation is to make witty comments on a girl’s post if you share a friend, and start a slow process. People don’t like to be hit on on Facebook, just as people don’t like to be sold directly. It’s a social place, so take it easy and build rapport.

Yangtu is another popular site in Australia. Said one guy – it is free and I have many women looking and making contact with me. – Australia

Craigslist – turns out to be a good hookup site for quickies, although not the best for long-lasting relationships. A few guys wrote in they had used it successfully for hook ups.

And there you have it!

If you have anything to add, please let me know.

Otherwise – get out there and get dating!

Again – I wrote Deep Online Attraction to give you an unfair advantage by helping you be DAZZLING online with your profile and your letters and responses. Get it.

To Your Best Life,


This post currently has 6 comments.

  1. Bren
    May 25, 2012

    I am surprised to see recommended. I guess that fellow doesn’t realize he’s been had yet.

    One site I can recommend is They are very aggressive weeding out the scammers and have an interesting collection of bloggers, forums and an emagazine. It is worth joining just to read about cross-cultural relationships and experiences. seems to be legit although you will find alot of scammers and working girls but hey the working girls need love too! Be aware though that Thai ladies generally have no intention of leaving Thailand so you should plan on moving there if that’s your thing.

  2. Dennis
    May 25, 2012

    Yep BeNaughty Full Of Scammers And Cam Girls Only Like 5% Are Real So Not Worth The Time Looking For Real Ones

  3. Bubba
    May 26, 2012

    For you guys who like bigger girls I highly recommend They’ve been around for over a decade and have great features like responding for free. It’s part of the Tangowire family recommended above. Definitely check this one out.

    And yeah, unless you want to spend a fortune don’t waste any time on eHarmony. It’s completely worthless if you don’t pay and pay, and I’ve heard horrendous things about their practices regarding stopping your subscription. Scary.

  4. Morten
    May 27, 2012

    I’m located in Denmark and can confirm that gives you lots of response from real women, although unfortunately most were from neighbouring countries. I also found that you get way more women if you have a free account than if you pay – they also have some cryptic terms on stopping your membership, so my advice is “don’t pay, or at least read the terms thoroughly if you do”.

    Has anyone got any info on They pour out ads in Denmark, I get lots of interest on my free profile, it looks like a high percentage of them are real women, but the site gives off a scammy vibe and is outrageously expensive.

    • Adam
      November 18, 2012

      Don’t know about those sites. But I do know the owner of – and it’s legit.

  5. Sherlock Holmes
    February 1, 2013

    Asian sex sites in Australia which is the best and haS the most asian girls and which gives you more bang for your dollar


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