The Golden Rule, Karma And You: Giving What You Want To Receive
I have to admit that my perspective on dating is a little skewed because I live in Los Angeles.
It is a land of transience, a wild, beachy, social pool of flimsy fashion and facial symmetry.
I often get asked:
“Why are men so timid nowadays?”
“Why don’t men approach me?”
“Why are men too cool for school and never have a plan?”
Another way of putting all these questions is, basically: “WHY AM I NOT GETTING ANY ATTENTION?!?!”
There are many reasons, and most of them start with “F” and end with “ear”. But that’s not what I want to talk with you about today. That’s an external factor. That’s about what men are doing and, more often, not doing. That’s external.
I want to talk about you.
Yes, you. You didn’t have to grow up churning butter in the Bible belt to have heard about something called The Golden Rule. Nor did your father need to be an ‘Om Shanti’ chanting yogi in an orange robe to have heard of this other idea called Karma.
Whether you may be philosophical or religious or neither, you are probably familiar with the idea of reciprocity, of give-and-take. And it applies to your love like this this: when you want something, give it, and you’ll find that you’ll often get it back.
You want to make more money? Be generous.
You want to be invited to more social gatherings? Throw a party and invite others.
You want attention? GIVE IT.
I love coaching women because I get many opportunities to shatter old belief systems, and help you understand men on a much deeper level. I love shattering walls of false belief, and here comes a big one:
Men don’t like attention.
Whaaaat? Where did that come from? (If I ever do run across that Marie Claire I’m going to give her a piece of my mind!)
Men love attention. We love feeling wanted. We love feeling needed. We want to be treated like a piece of meat. We love being taken advantage of…sexually.
Men loooovvvvvvve attention.
Not any attention, though, but a very specific kind of attention.
I’m sure you’ve heard a man complain about a woman calling him 10 times a day and how much it annoys him.
And while it’s true that we’re not like women in the sense that we want to talk on the phone (or anywhere) for hours on end, that same man would much rather have a woman call him 10 times a day than stop calling once and for all.
We like the right kind of attention, but attention nonetheless. Each man is different. I, for example, love having my woman exfoliate and moisturize me. Other men feel love when you cook. Or mend their clothes. Or buy them books you think he would love or gain from.
Its up to you to understand how your man—or the men that you’re attracted to—like to be communicated with, feel cherished.
I have a theory about men who have choice in dating. I can’t prove it, but I can tell you from my own experience that often, men of choice don’t go “looking” for relationship. We tend, rather, to back into when we realize how great our life is with you in it.
If you make a guy feel cherished according to how he feels cherished and if you show a man that you’re attracted to him, if you show a man that you find him sexy and irresistible, if you show a man that he’s needed in your life – that your life is so much better with him in it – chances are, he will reciprocate.
The right man will.
And if he doesn’t, then he’s not the right man for you. And you’ll need to go back out there and find the right man.
But won’t work is sitting at home, complaining about not getting attention from the right man, not getting any love.
So what do you want?
That’s good to hear.
Now give it.