The Modern Alternative to Dating

Adam Gilad
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Dating can be fun.

It can also be a nightmare.

You are busy. You don’t feel like going through the routine of picking up, dinner, listening to her story, telling your story, spending a whole night of your precious time to figure out if you even want a second date.

One of the best dating tips I give for men especially over 40 is not to date!

If you’ re 40 plus, it’s likely that you’ve emerged from of a divorce or long-term relationship – there might be kids involved. Chances are there’s still a lot of hurt and anger boiling inside you and you’re not even sure what you want from that woman sitting opposite you – who is likely feeling the same mix of emotions.

And chances are, you are both projecting some of that onto each other because everything, for the moment, is riding on one person: that mug on the other side of the risotto.

(By the way, this goes for you if you haven’t been very successful with women in your life.)

But on the other hand, you don’t want to stay home and spiral into deeper loneliness. You want to get out and be with other men and women in fun, relaxed atmospheres – preferably without the pressure of “performing” on a date.

The idea at this stage of your life is to simply feel comfortable around women, and not to zero in on any one woman as the be all end all.  You don’t need the “heat” of sex; what you really need is the warmth of feminine human contact.

The desire to throw yourself into sex, to throw yourself into a “rebound relationship” often salves the surface wound but it doesn’t treat the symptom – which is why rebound relationships feel GREAT at first – then come the tears, anger, resentment, tears, thrown bottles, letter bombs and anthrax scares.

Trust me – you CAN get a date. Don’t worry about that for the moment.

You will be fooling yourself if you look to your too-early dates as solutions to your problems of loneliness, feeling that you’ve been let down or even that you’ve let yourself down.

This is why I so strongly recommend creating or joining fun social groups, often around outdoor activities, adventure travel, food and wine. Where spirits are high, people are relaxed, and you can feel valued for being the man you are, not “date material” with all those “datey” expectations foisted upon you.

The easiest way to do this is to go to and find a group that’s attractive to you.

How to handle the women you meet at meetups, of course, is found at Instant Confidence with Women.

Image: blog.parisinsights

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