Three Crucial Insights Into Why Men Lie

Adam Gilad
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Why does anybody lie?

Because they are afraid of something. Actually they are afraid of two specific things.

And when we are afraid of these things, love and commitment is impossible.

Almost every day, I hear from women who ask why men lie on their profiles – about their age, their weight, even their marital status!

Because my goal is to alert you to the “red flags” of the wrong men, and to become a connoisseur of the “green flags” that the right men put out, let me tell you a few things that will help.

Crucial Tip #1: Not All Men Lie

Some men lie. Some women lie. I want you to never approach a date or a profile with the frame that “I suspect you are a liar.” That is one of the biggest turn-offs a man can experience from you.

Remember – as I’ve been driving home these last few days, men want to be your hero. If he is not a liar, if he is not sinned against you, your suspicion will feel like a dagger to his good will toward you. It will drive him back and away. So you always want to assume the best of the man before you. Innocent until proven guilty.

Now, you and I weren’t born yesterday, so we know we must still be alert. To give your heart and body to a man, you need to trust him.

Trust is the ground floor in the edifice of love.

That is why in Intimacy University, I give you small, almost imperceptible “tests” and “invitations” to bring out his truthfulness and authenticity. Asked right, men reveal their true selves. Asked wrong, men retreat into their defenses.

Crucial Tip #2: Men Lie Because of Shame

Listen closely, because this one fact can change your entire relationship to men…

Male shame is different than female shame. Because women generally glean your self-worth by the love, bonds and affection from your social and family networks, shame is not that big a deal to you. Lack of love hurts much more than a lack of “status” or “respect.”

For men, it’s the opposite. Because our social networks tend to be smaller, because our self-worth is grounded in our status, in our sense of winning (and not losing!), because we are acutely and painfully aware of “failing” in even the smallest ways, we tend to guard our faults and flaws.

Once he trusts you, he will reveal his vulnerabilities and inner doubts. But PLEASE don’t expect him to do that up front. Just as you need to trust him, he needs to trust you before he risks his inner feelings of “shame.”

I ask men in my work with them to be forgiving of you because you need to test their trustworthiness in a many ways – and I urge them to welcome your loving challenge.

So too I ask you to be forgiving of men if they hold back their self-doubts up front. Once he trusts that you will not judge or scorn him for “being human,” you will receive the treasures of his vulnerable and true heart

To learn more about how to do this, please watch this Webinar I just recorded for you…

The 5 Obstacles To Commitment And How To Dissolve Them [Not The Men, The Obstacles]

Crucial Tip 3: Men Lie to Themselves [And Don’t Realize It Until You Come Along]

This is actually one of the greatest gifts you can give a man…

To help him see what he can’t – or wont – see on his own. Namely all the little lies he tells himself to keep his ship moving forward. This isn’t an evil. It isn’t an endemic and fatal flaw. It’s his way of keeping his chin up.

Think of men as “weary warriors.” Out there all day trying to “get ahead.” Involved in subtle, painful status games with his co-workers, his colleagues, bosses and employees. Feeling rejected by women who don’t give him a second look.

Most men are on a mission of some kind, even if it’s to make ends meet or try to do an honorable job.

A man is like a ship plying the waters of the world. That ship is going somewhere, and if the captain has to ignore the little leaks or paper them over in order to keep the ship moving toward its goal – he will.

It is often only in the loving embrace of a good woman that a man can stop and look at those leaks and really deal with them in a spirit of safety, self-acceptance and self-forgiveness.

If you can be THAT woman – he will be so deeply grateful to you, that he probably will not want to let you go.

Commitment and devotion are HEALING processes. Let me show you how to heal the good man who deserves your heart – and in the process, heal your own heart as well.

I have compiled a “graduate school” level program called Intimacy University where you will learn all the secrets and practices of being THAT AMAZING WOMEN that all good men yearn for.

You can learn more about it and join me for this 5-week program here….

Go Here To Learn About Joining Intimacy University With Me

Or you can watch this replay webinar I made for you which explains more deeply what is blocking you from finding the right man for you and inviting him successfully into commitment and devotion.

The 5 Obstacles To Commitment And How To Dissolve Them [Not The Men, The Obstacles]

I want you to walk… actually, to dance!… into a life of love with a good man.

The lessons and practices you will find in Intimacy University are your “magic key” – because they put you inside the mind of the best men – and teach you how to cultivate the love they are holding within into a lifelong appreciation and love for you.

Go Here To Learn About Joining Intimacy University With Me

To Your Life of Love,


This post currently has 3 comments.

  1. Mare Skraznas
    March 5, 2013

    Hey Adam…I’ve read lots that you’ve written about those men…those men I love so much! Because, deep down, I know a lot about this…
    I learned from some good teachers like two former husbands, but mostly from my brother, Dad, and son! There are still lots of ‘holes’ and your perceptions and practices are right on! I’m practicing because it’s imperative that women and men be there for each other.Thank you so very much.

  2. Theresa
    March 6, 2013

    When a woman damages a man so deeply that he is scarred, is it possible for him to forgive her and their love to renew itself in a fresh start in a new direction/relationship with one another? If so, How? What can the woman do to regain his love, respect, and trust?
    Thank you.

    • Suzanne
      March 6, 2013

      My boyfriend and I were together for 31/2 yrs and lived together that entire time. We went through a very bad time and hurt and scarred each other tremendously. We moved to Florida to start over but we couldn’t make it work so we broke up. Approximately a year later, he contacted me through FB and we began talking. We are now together again and have been for 3 months but we are not living together at this point.

      What we did was decide not talk about anything from the past or the past year that we were apart. No matter what NOTHING. We started over again, that’s it. Being apart we searched our own souls and realized the things we needed to fix about ourselves. I know I did, I spent that year working on myself so I wouldn’t make the same mistakes again. I read a ton of books. Especially ones about men and I can tell you I wish I would have read them years ago. It has really given me insight into a man’s psyche. It was the greatest thing I ever did. I now don’t think things that I thought were going on. I know what is going on his mind. I reccommend try that and give him so time. I always knew in the back of MY mind we would reconcile but wasn’t sure about it he really loved me. But I got my answer. When love is really there, you learn how to heal the heart and pain but it starts with you.

      I don’t know if it will happen for you but if it’s true love he will be back. You know the old saying, “if you love something set it free”? Well I did that and now I know he really did love me because he DID come back and we are building a whole new life together. I also told him I would not move in with him until we are approaching marriage and he said, “OK”. Today we are learning to deal with our problems in a more healthy approach and its one day at a time but its working.

      I hope things work out for you. Good Luck.


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