Online Dating

Your Online Dating Profile: Using The Right Language

Adam Gilad
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When creating an online profile and presenting the best version of yourself online, you must remember: “Out with the bad!” Survival Attractors help you, while Survival Weaknesses will leave you committing attraction suicide. Never project Survival Weaknesses. Do it in your profile, and you’re dead in the water.

We have all been beaten up by life. I myself spent years with someone who, even after I was out of the relationship, had convinced me that I was ugly, stupid and a failure in life. I honestly didn’t think anyone would ever want to go out with me, until I finally started dating other women.

Fortunately, this is where the beating up stops for you – right here and right now. Make a promise to yourself: I will not include any self-denigration in my profile.

Self-denigration is charming if you’re Hugh Grant or Brad Pitt.  It is also fine once you have established your authority and masculinity in person but it does not belong in your profile at all.

Also, take out any words that are qualifiers: “little” “small” “kind of”  “sort of” “hope to”. You no longer hope, my friend, you plan.  You inspire.  You commit.  You accomplish.   You do.  You are not a “hoper.”  You are a “doer.” Here are good words to use, in their various forms:

Optimistic, Entrepreneurial, Motivated, Kind, Protective,

Loving, Warm, Steadfast, Unshakable

Loyal, Honest, Steady, Confident

Be forthright, be positive and be optimistic about your future. And be direct. You are creating a context of strength in your profile.  You are establishing that you are the lion, not  a sick, toothless pussycat. Later, when you start interacting with a woman, you can offer alluring vulnerabilities, but never up front.

Attract Women With the Right Words In Your Online Profile

Are you making these mistakes in your online profile?

You were probably taught these  in high school, but maybe you were too busy staring at the girl next to you. It is okay and you are forgiven.  In fact, there would have been something wrong with you if you preferred grammar at age 16!

So here’s a quick rundown.  These points are simple, but crucial for a successful profile that is completely ignored at first glance:

  1. Don’t misspell: Stick your file in Word and spell check it. Women hate it when men misspell.  It shows sloppiness and a lack of attention to detail.  Women like attention to detail.  Think about it — consider their predilection for decoration and, oh, foreplay?  So pay attention to details. The two words I see misspelled most often – “independent” and “definitely.”  Also, know the difference between desert and dessert.
  2. Avoid clichés: You are not a hopeless romantic, a gentleman and a scholar, a boy next door.  You are an individual worthy of individual expression. Use individual and unique definitions for yourself.
  3. Avoid generic language: You don’t like walks on the beach, a nice wine with dinner, or feel as comfortable in jeans and t shirt as you do in a tux.

Do yourself a huge favor. Go read other men’s profiles and see how often guys write the exact same thing.  They are clueless.  More importantly, to an attractive woman online, they become the same as all the others… invisible.  (You can usually cloak your profile to go look at guys’ profiles, if the idea of that sounds weird.  Just go “invisible.” Most dating sites have that option.)

4.   Be precise in your language:  Say Chicago Blues instead of blues.  Shiraz is better than “wine.” No Chardonnay (feminine), or Merlot (lazy).  The Palms is better than Vegas.  Rib-eye steak is better than mere steak.   Azure is better than blue.  Aspen grove is better than forest.

The more precisely you can paint the environment of your life, the more tactilely and sensually her imagination will project her into it (much more on that in other articles!) The more real you will feel to her and the more her senses will wake up when reading your profile or emails.

5.  Be dynamic in your language:  Avoid static words like “is”, “are” and “have” – those are static verbs.  USE A THESAURUS to make your sentences sizzle, and that often starts with what are called active verbs.

Example: If you love your dog, you might want to write: I love dogs!” BORING! Rather, paint a picture of you relating to your dog that she can feel, see, enjoy and project herself into that picture…

“I like to spend Sunday mornings wrestling in the sand with my lab.  She’s hilarious- running up to say hi to everybody. You can practically see her laughing the whole time, and then we collapse and peacefully soak in the sun.”

That’s a happy picture vivid with action.  I don’t merely have a dog.  Rather the reader sees and imagines me wrestling, and laughing, and collapsing with my little furry pal.  What a playful guy!  And there’s room for her in the picture  too, so she can see herself lying down next to me at the end.  Who is that “we,” after all, she might wonder?

6.  Show, Don’t Tell: Possibly the most important writing rule of all.  Don’t list.  Don’t talk and tell about yourself.  Show yourself.

If you are funny, do not say you are funny – be funny.  If you love your little nephew do not say he is the “light of my life” – paint a picture of something you and he do together or how he makes you laugh.

This is the difference between George Clooney coming on screen and telling you the story of Oceans 11, and George Clooney in the action of the film itself.  Which is more interesting?  Show your life; don’t list the facts of it.  Write little movie scenes in your profile.  She will be drawn into that movie, as anyone would.

Remember these 6 simple rules and you’ll instantly stand out to women from all the hundreds of other clueless men online.

To get more ways to stand out from the crowd of men online – to learn how to create an amazing online dating profile that attracts the best kind of women – check out Deep Online Attraction.

This post currently has 3 comments.

  1. gene
    May 15, 2012

    Very insightful. I like the specific examples and explanations.

      Reply
  2. Donovan
    May 16, 2012

    Sounds great to me. When I studied hypnosis, the lesson was very similar. If we wanted to cheer someone up, we wouldn’t say ‘picture a clown’, we would say, ‘And as I was walking in the park, golden sun beams lighting my way, I noticed how fresh the air was on my face…’ Active verb tenses.

    Also I read once about an assignment given to a guy by a dating coach. He was told to create a fake women’s profile, attach any picture of an attractive woman to it – and see what men’s replies are like. He said they were insanely boring and repetitive. He realized that it wouldn’t be hard to stand out from the other guys, even a little creativity would go a long way.

      Reply
  3. young andy
    May 17, 2012

    its just as good as i am myself..

      Reply

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